Never Let Me Go
by scatterthestars
Summary: When Darren goes on his dream trip traveling across Europe, he planned for everything. What he didn't plan for was meeting Chris and the secret he keeps. Crisscolfer
1. Just Seen a Face

**This is a story that I've been working on for about two months now, so I have most of it written. Title is from the Florence and the Machine song; chapter title is from the Beatles song. As usual don't send to the actors and all that jazz.**

**Also thanks to Dani aka qolfer on tumblr for looking this over and fixing a few things.**

* * *

He's always dreamed of traveling around Europe for a summer. Visit amazing places he'd only seen in pictures and in movies. Ever since he was a kid, it was the one thing he wanted most; the one thing he knew he had to experience before dying. So, starting at fourteen he began to save for his trip of a lifetime (as he called it.)

He did odd jobs before he was sixteen: delivering newspaper, washing cars, or mowing lawns. A month past sixteen he got a job as a pizza delivery boy; then as a waiter at a local restaurant. Every cent earned was put away, saved for his trip.

So, the summer after graduating college, he buys a plane ticket for Europe, packs two bags and heads off to start a three month journey across a new continent.

**LONDON**

By the time the plane lands in London it's close to ten at night, and Darren is running on three and a half hours of sleep. All he can think about as he waits for a room at the hotel he'll be staying at is sleeping for the next twelve hours, and then starting his actual trip the next day. Grabbing the key from the receptionist, he heads straight for the elevator.

He opens his door to go into his room and drops his bags on the floor and collapses on the bed.

"I'm actually here." He mumbles against a pillow, smiling so big it hurts. Turning over and kicking his shoes off, he starts to feel the tiredness take over. Throwing off his jeans and falling back in bed, he falls asleep almost instantly.

* * *

He stands in front of Buckingham Palace the next day admiring the beauty of building when he first sees him out of the corner of his eye. Fully turning to see him, he is struck by how gorgeous he is; chestnut colored hair, pale skin, long, lean body and various other things that he can't keep his eyes off of.

He tries to pay attention, but he finds his attention going back to the young man a few feet away from him. At one point, he looks to him at the same time the stranger looks at him. They smile at each other, Darren seeing his cheeks get a bit redder as he looks at him, making him smile bigger. After that, he does his best not to stare too much at the man and more at the palace in front of him.

One second the sun is shining and the next thing he knows, the sky opens up and rain instantly pours down on him. Within seconds he feels himself getting soaked, but right when he's about to call his day ruined something covers him. Looking up he sees a black umbrella over his head, turning around to see who is holding it, Darren comes face-to-face with the gorgeous young man from before.

"Thank you."

"No problem." He says, smiling at him. "I saw you had no umbrella and thought I could share mine."

"I really appreciate that." Darren says over the sound of raindrops pelting the top of the umbrella. "I'm Darren." He says, holding out his hand for the guy to shake.

"Chris," he says, slipping his hand in Darren's while clutching tight to the handle of the umbrella with the other. "Savior of those without an umbrella."

"Well, that makes me Darren: person who forgets to bring one."

"Good thing you have me." Chris says, finally letting go of his hand.

Dropping his hand back down, Darren can feel a tingle in the palm of his hand where Chris' just was. They stand there for a few seconds not knowing what to do; often they'll catch each other's gaze and let out a small laugh.

"Well, since you gave me shelter from the storm, how about you let me buy you lunch." Darren says after the rain has calmed down some, running his fingers through his wet hair.

"Did you just quote a line from a Bob Dylan song to me?" Chris smiles, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Well, now I'm definitely buying you lunch." Darren states, shoving his hands in his pockets to warm them. "Anybody who recognizes Dylan is awesome in my eyes. I'm not taking no for an answer."

Chris grins as he says, "Okay, lunch it is."

* * *

They step into the small cafe, sitting by the window as the rain continues to fall outside. Chris nervously chews on his bottom lip as he stares outside, while Darren tries, unsuccessfully, not to stare at him. He watches as he releases his bottom lip a bit redder and plumper than before

"So, you're American." Darren says, mentally smacking himself for stating something so obvious.

"Really, I always thought I was a Gemini." Chris just seriously stares at him for a few seconds before he lets out a laugh, making Darren laugh as well. "But, yes, I'm American."

"Where are you from?" Darren asks after their waiter leaves with their orders.

"Clovis, California. And you?"

"San Francisco. So, that practically makes us neighbors." Darren cheerfully says, taking a drink of his water.

"Yeah, I guess it does." Chris agrees, curving his lips up in a small smile. "So, this your first time to England?"

"Yeah," Darren nods his head. "First part of a three month trip. How about you?"

"Same. I've always wanted to come here, so it was now or never." Darren sees Chris' smile drop a little as he thinks of something and then return almost instantly. "I love it here so far."

"Me too, I've been here for about two days already and it's a great place."

As their food is placed down in front of them, they eat and continue to carry on a conversation. At one point, Darren can't help but to gaze at Chris' blue eyes as he talks about having trouble with the different terms here.

"Do I have something on my face?" He all of a sudden asks, bringing his hand up to touch around his mouth.

"No." Darren replies.

"Well, you keep staring and I just thought."

"No, it's just..." Darren can feel his cheeks getting warmer from blushing. "You have really gorgeous eyes."

"Oh," Chris smiles, averting Darren's gaze and looking at his uninteresting plate of food. "Thanks." He shyly whispers.

"I just made this moment uncomfortable, didn't I?"

"Wh-...No, it's fine." Chris hurriedly says, tripping over his words some, blushing to the tips of his ears. "It's just...I wasn't expecting you to say-" he stops talking and breathes for a second before saying, "I liked it."

"Oh...Okay." Darren deeply exhales, grinning at not making a fool of himself too much.

When Chris tries to pay for his half of lunch, Darren stops him from even trying. "Hey, I'm buying lunch, remember. It was the least I could do for you after protecting me from a cold."

"Are you sure, because I cou-"

"Yes, keep your money." Darren says, placing enough money on the table for the bill and a tip. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah," Chris says, standing up and grabbing his umbrella and walking with Darren to the door.

They stand outside waiting for a cab, the ground still wet from the rain, puddles forming on the street. Raindrops glisten in the sunlight from where they stick to windows and cars and leaves.

"Where are you staying?" Darren asks.

"Why?" Chris suspiciously asks, leaning back from him.

Darren sees that and begins to laugh, "No, that way whoever's closest to their hotel can take the first cab."

"Oh...Okay," Chris sighs out, chuckling. "I, um...at the" Chris tries to recall the name of the hotel and can't remember. "Dammit, I forget what it's called. Something to do with park."

"Hyde Park Hotel?"

"Yeah, that one." Chris exclaims.

"I'm staying there, too." Darren says right as a cab pulls up in front of them. "We can ride back together and split the cab fare. If you want." He reassures him.

"No, that's fine." Chris climbs into the car when Darren opens the door, saying a quick thanks to him.

Darren gets in after him and gives the destination to the driver.

* * *

Standing close together as they wait for the elevator, Darren watches as Chris rocks on his feet whistling a song. Stepping inside when the doors open, Chris hits his floor number and looks to him, asking, "What floor?"

"Oh," Darren looks at the keypad. "Same floor as you, I guess."

They are quiet the short ride up the floors, Darren looking to Chris and seeing him watch the red numbers change on the small screen.

Stepping off the elevator, Darren turns to Chris and once again is taken aback by how gorgeous he is. He isn't sure if he should hug him or what, and decides on holding out his hand. "It was very nice meeting you."

Chris shakes his hand and smiles, "It was nice to have met you, too."

Darren turns and takes a few steps before he hears Chris saying, "Really, that's it, a quick goodbye."

"Wh-what?" Darren asks when he looks at him, not completely understanding what Chris is saying but hoping he is trying to say what he's thinking.

"After all that flirting and staring, and you just walk away. You're not gonna even try to see me again."

Darren takes a few steps forward; amazed Chris was brave enough to say something. "I didn't think...I thought you wouldn't..."

"You shouldn't assume before asking." Chris smiles as he raises an eyebrow.

"Okay." Darren tells him, turning around and taking a few steps before turning back to look at Chris who is walking to his room. "Hey," he calls to him, seeing Chris look back to him. "How about same time tomorrow? Here?"

The smile that spreads across Chris' face is already an answer enough for Darren, but he breathes an air of relief when he says, "Tomorrow then."

* * *

Just like they planned, Chris and him meet in front of the elevator and decide on what they want to visit for the day. By the time they make it downstairs and outside, they are set on seeing The Tower of London.

"No umbrella today?" Darren asks as they climb into a cab.

"Unlike someone I know," Chris turns to him and raises an eyebrow and smiles at him, "I check the weather before leaving a place."

"So, I take it not to expect rain today?"

"No," Chris laughs. "No rain today."

* * *

They spend the day together visiting the Tower of London—Darren getting a stern look from a guard for trying to touch when he shouldn't, Chris laughing at him and saying he wouldn't bail him out of jail if he gets arrested. Lunch is spent at a local restaurant where Chris vehemently says that he will pay this time. After lunch they walk around the city just looking and taking in everything around them.

* * *

After those first two days, Chris and he spend every day together seeing all normal tourist attractions: Westminster Abbey, Tower Bridge, Trafalgar Square and many other places. But they also manage to go spots they've personally wanted to visit for a long time, which includes Abbey Road for Darren (making sure to make Chris write something along with him on the wall with all the other messages) and Madame Tussauds for Chris (which included talking Darren out of pretending to be a wax figure and scaring people walking past, saying he didn't want to get kicked out.)

It's while they're together on the sixth day does Darren comes to the realization that he likes Chris just beyond the friend he has become. He isn't sure if he should ask him on a date, afraid that if he does and Chris says no it will be too weird for them to continue to hang out. So, when he decides it is better to be sorry than safe, Darren works up the courage to finally ask him after one of their days together.

Laughing as they walk to their rooms at the end of the day, Darren realizes it's now or never if he wants to ask Chris out on a date. Turning to him, he tries not to look nervous and plants a smile on his face. Opening his mouth, he asks in a rush, "Do you maybe want to go get dinner together tomorrow night?"

"We always get dinner together." Chris says, looking at him like he's forgotten they've been doing that for almost a week.

"No," Darren shakes his head and sighs, nerves taking him over and feeling his heart beat at a crazy pace. He didn't think he would have to describe just what kind of dinner he wanted with Chris. "I mean as in: I dress up and you dress up, I pick you up from your room and we have a candlelight dinner in a fancy restaurant." He sees as it takes a few seconds for what he said to register with Chris.

"As in a date?" Chris asks making sure it's what Darren is asking.

"As in a date." Darren repeats, smiling and nodding his head.

Chris smiles at him, Darren seeing a quick flash of doubt crossing his face before it disappears and he says, "I'd love that."

"Um...is seven good?"

"Yeah, that's great. See you at seven."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

Walking the few feet back to the door of his room, he unlocks his door and steps inside and grins. He falls on the bed and flails for a few minutes at getting a date with Chris—glad to actually have the nerve to ask him.

* * *

Knocking on Chris' door at precisely seven o'clock the next night, Darren shuffles his feet side-to-side anxiously waiting for Chris to answer. He's looking down at his outfit, wondering if he chose the right thing to wear when the door opens to reveal Chris in blue jeans hugging his legs just right in a way that Darren can't stop staring. His baby blue button down shirt fits perfectly on his chest—just enough to show off his slim figure.

"Ready?" Darren finally remembers to ask, thinking he looks like an idiot staring.

"Yeah, let me just grab my jacket."

When he turns around, it takes everything in Darren not to groan out loud at the sight of Chris' ass, having to bite down on his bottom lip to make sure.

"Let's go." Chris says as he pulls on his jacket and steps out into the hall, closing his door with a soft click.

* * *

The restaurant is small enough to be cozy. Even though they've been hanging out every day for the past seven days, whenever their eyes meet, they end up blushing and quickly looking away. Darren tries to rid himself of the nerves he has by drinking wine and not stare too much at Chris.

After the nerves die down and Darren has finished his first glass of wine, he feels a bit braver at striking up a conversation that seems to be harder to start now that he's on a date with Chris.

"So," he says, drawing out the 'o.' "You having a good time, yet?"

"You mean on the date I've been on for exactly…" Chris looks to his phone for the time, "twenty minutes?" He chuckles, taking a drink of his wine. "I think you're nervous." He points out.

"Is it that obvious?" Darren questions, playing with the silverware on the table, laughing when he sees Chris nod his head yes. "I don't know what to do. It's been too long since I've been on a date."

"Relax." Chris says, covering one of Darren's hands on the table and squeezing it. "Let's just talk about anything. I'll start the conversation by asking, what you did before taking this three month trip."

"Actually, I had just graduated college last month." Darren responds, stroking his thumb over Chris' hand still in his. It surprised him for a second how easily Chris grabbed his hand in his; how easy it is to hold Chris' hand that is warm and somehow comforting as he holds it. He doesn't look over how perfect their fingers link together as if pieces of a puzzle linking together. "How about you, do you, or did you, go to college?"

"Um…No." Chris answers, dropping his smile some.

"Why?"

"I had planned to attend college; had enough saved for a few years. Then something personal happened and it threw that option out the window. That incident is the reason I can afford this trip at all; finally putting my college money to use." Chris nervously chuckles at the end.

"What happened?" Darren asks concerned. "Can I ask what made that impossible?"

"I…I rather not discuss it."

"Okay," Darren says, squeezing his hand the slightest. "That's fine."

After that, the rest of the dinner is easy and comfortable for both of them. Time passes faster than both of them expected and sooner than Darren would like, they are leaving to head back to their hotel.

* * *

As they stand outside Chris' room, Darren is trying to get up the nerves to ask Chris out again. He watches as Chris opens his door and stands there, rocking back-and-forth on his feet.

"I had a great time, thank you, Darren." Chris tells him, fidgeting with the card in his hands.

"I had a great time, too."

Right when Chris turns around and begins to walk into his room, is when Darren finally asks him, "Do you want to do this again tomorrow?"

Chris turns around with a smile on his face and a bit of a blush to his cheeks. "I would love to."

"Okay. Same time?"

"Yeah."

He just stands there for a few seconds staring at Chris—who's nervously biting on his lower lip—wanting to kiss him, but choosing not to. Leaning forward and placing a quick kiss on Chris' cheek, Darren pulls back to smile at him, seeing the blush getting redder on his cheeks now.

"Goodnight, Chris."

"Goodnight, Darren."

Darren walks the few feet down the corridor, turns and waves to Chris before he sees him go into his room, closing his door with a soft click. Walking inside his own room, he throws his arms in the air in excitement and wonders if he'll never stop being happy at getting to go on dates with Chris.

* * *

On the walk to the restaurant, Darren's hand brushes Chris'—fingers brush together, and he feels a small spark shoot up his arm at the contact. He makes the decision to slip his hand into Chris', and links their fingers together, feeling Chris squeeze his hand. It's the easiest thing in the world, walking down the street with Chris' hand in his, and now that he knows the feeling, he never wants to let it go.

Standing on the corner of the street with Chris' hand in his and the street lights on and throwing shadows on the ground, he turns to look at him with a look of hope on his face.

"What?" Darren asks, squeezing Chris' hand in his.

"Will you kiss me?" He hears him whisper, seeing his cheeks begin to redden from blushing—something Darren loves seeing, and thrills at sometimes being the cause of.

Tracing the bottom of his lip with his thumb, and moving it up to run it back and forth over his cheek, feeling the warmth there from him blushing underneath his thumb, he smiles at him. "I would love to."

Right there in the street with the moon above them, he tilts Chris' head back some and leans forward and presses their mouths together in a simple kiss.

The kiss starts off slow and easy; mouths move together as if they've done this before with each other before now. He traces Chris' bottom lip with his tongue, slipping it inside when Chris parts his lips. Licking into his mouth, Darren moans at the taste of cinnamon on Chris' tongue. Slowly massaging their tongues together, a spark of pleasure goes down his spine when Chris moans into his mouth. Pulling back, he rests their foreheads together and smiles.

"Thank you." He whispers, cupping the side of Chris' face and placing a quick kiss to his reddened lips.

Chris smiles as he says, "I should say the same."

* * *

After that first kiss, they find themselves kissing all the time; which is how they come to be in Darren's hotel room a few days later kissing on the bed. They're both on their sides with one of Chris' legs draped over his hip as he kisses him. Darren runs his hand under Chris' shirt, feeling the shivers that run through his body. His skin is soft beneath his fingertips, and Darren wants so badly to know how it feels beneath his lips, but he knows it's too soon to do more than kiss. They kiss until they have to pull back and cool off.

"How about a movie date in my room?" Darren asks once he's caught his breath.

"Okay," Chris replies, sitting up and fixing his skewed shirt. "But I want to go change into my pajamas."

"I'll do the same, then."

Both of them sit back against the headboard as the opening credits start to play. Chris is resting his head on his shoulder, and has the fingers of his hand linked with his.

It takes exactly thirty minutes into the movie before Chris is straddling his lap kissing him breathless. They both kind of new the moment the movie started they wouldn't last long into it before they ended up where they are; the only thing that surprised them was how long they lasted before ignoring the movie in favor of each other.

"Su-surprised we made it thirty minutes into the movie." Darren says against Chris' lips.

"Should have done this ten minutes in." Chris says as he kisses along his jaw. "Sorry, but that movie is terrible."

"I co-couldn't," Darren moans as Chris begins to kiss at his neck, "agree more." He threads his fingers through soft hair and grasps it as Chris begins to suck and nip at the skin where he was just kissing, doing his best to leave a noticeable mark.

Pulling him back, Darren crashes their mouths together and rolls them over. As he kisses lips already red and plump, Darren skims his fingers over the sliver of skin exposed on Chris' stomach from where his shirt has ridden up. Chris gasps into his mouth when he does that, shivering when he does it again, pulling back and trying to move out from under Darren. "Should I stop?" Darren anxiously asks.

"Ye-yeah...It's just that…" Chris begins to blush, biting his bottom lip. "That felt too good."

Darren doesn't need to ask to know what Chris is talking about. So the decide to stick to kissing for the time being.

Somehow they end up kissing until they both fall asleep; the credits roll on the screen as they sleep curled around each other.

* * *

When he blinks his eyes open, it's to Chris curled into his side with one of his arms thrown over his abdomen, and their legs tangled. He's breathing loud enough for it to be a calming sound that almost has him falling back asleep.

It's only when Darren shifts does he feel how hard he is in his pants. Gracefully trying to get out of bed—and failing—Darren manages to wake Chris up, and immediately grabs a pillow to cover his problem.

"Shit!" Darren says under his breath as Chris' eyes slowly open. "I'm sorry, didn't mean to wake you."

"Dare," Chris groggily says, and that nickname shouldn't do things to him when Chris says it, but it does, and it only makes matters worse. "What's wrong?"

"I, uh...was hav-woke up-" Darren mumbles as he tries to explain why he's acting like a crazy person. "I really enjoyed sleeping next to you." He chooses to say, looking down to the pillow for emphasis on what he's trying to tell Chris.

He sees as Chris realizes what he told him and laughs.

"Hey, it's not funny." Darren tries to say with a stern voice, but ends up laughing along with Chris.

"Yes, it is, because, you look so scared, as if I will get mad." Chris laughs, finally rolling over and sitting up, pulling his knees to his chest. "Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I _really_ enjoyed sleeping next to you, too." He says, putting extra emphasis on the 'really.'

After he says it, Darren's vision goes to Chris' legs pulled up to cover his crotch, and feels a bit better at the situation.

"Um...I'm going to go take a cold shower now."

"Yeah, me too." Chris giggles as he watches Darren walk to the bathroom still holding the pillow in front of him.

When Darren goes back out into his room, he finds a note from Chris saying to meet him in the lobby at two.

* * *

In the lobby Darren kisses Chris before they walk out to catch a cab.

"Where are we going?"

"Anywhere we want to."

It's the their last Saturday in London, so Chris and him decided to visit the Berwick Street Market and walk around for a bit.

The hustle and bustle of all the people working and walking around the market is a different kind of energy from all the tourist attractions they've visited together. The stands set up of people selling all kinds of produce is exactly what they needed to get away from all the normal things

Walking up to one of the stands selling an assortment of vegetables, Darren tries one of the cherry tomatoes before purchasing a basket and popping a few more in his mouth. At another stand he stares as Chris takes a bite out of the strawberry he holds between his fingers, moaning softly as the sweet fruit hits his tongue and making Darren bite his lower lip at the sound.

Grinning at Darren, he tells him, "We need to buy some of those, too."

All Darren can do is nod his head yes, afraid he might make a fool of himself if he attempts to say anything.

A bag of different fruits and vegetables with them, they sit at a small table and enjoy their purchases.

"This stuff is delicious." Darren says as he bites into one of the few strawberries remaining.

"Yeah, it is." Chris responds chewing the last of the tomato he is eating.

They end up sitting at that small table for the next two hours just talking and watching the surrounding people as they go about visiting the farmer's market. By the time they leave, the sky is starting to turn from shades of oranges to deep blue.

* * *

On Tuesday, they decide to ride The London Eye after Chris mentioned it was one of the things he absolutely had to ride it. But, instead of riding it during the day, they decide to wait till night when the city and wheel is alight with life and movement below them.

Looking out at the view below them, Darren wraps his arms around Chris and smiles at being here. He squeezes Chris' hand in his, and kisses behind his ear, hearing Chris sigh softly at the feeling. "Enjoying this?" He whispers into his ear.

"Very much." Chris softly says back, laying his head back on his shoulder and smiling up at him.

They're oblivious to the people around them as they stand in the capsule as it takes its thirty minutes to do a full rotation. By the time it finishes, they decide on going to grab something to eat.

* * *

"So, where're you going next?" Chris asks, swirling the glass of champagne in front of him and tensing some.

It's the first time in the two weeks they've known each other that the thought of what happens next between them is brought up. The answer to the question holds the chance of maybe continuing on this trip together, and it terrifies Darren some at the thought of this being the end with Chris.

"Italy." Darren tells him, seeing Chris relax at his answer, as if it was the right one.

"Me too."

"Really, that means we can go on dates there, too." Darren excitedly says, only realizing after he's said it that maybe Chris doesn't want to continue whatever it is that's happening between them. "If-if that's something you would want."

"I want," Chris smiles at him.

"Good...Great!" He huffs out at the thought of still being able to see Chris.

"When do you leave?"

"In two days. You?"

"Friday, but I could change that if presented with the chance."

"Oh...since you won't get there for a while, we can meet each other there if you want."

"Okay," Chris sighs, dropping his shoulders, and falling back against the chair like a child angry at not getting what they wanted.

The rest of the date is spent planning out places they want to see in Italy together, Chris sometimes half-heartedly adding his own input into things. If he thinks something is wrong, Darren brushes it off and goes about enjoying the date.

Walking Chris back to his room, Darren brushes his thumb back and forth over Chris' hand in his and thinks about spending time in Italy together.

When Chris leans forward and barely places a kiss on his lips is when Darren immediately knows something is wrong. But, before he can ask, Chris is telling him goodnight and closing his door.

* * *

The whole night he tries to think what it was that upset Chris earlier, finally falling asleep at three in the morning.

While brushing his teeth the next morning, he replays their conversation at the beginning of their date and mentally smacks himself for not realizing what Chris was implying. Quickly rinsing his mouth and pulling on a shirt and jeans, he walks Chris' room.

He knocks on Chris' door, waiting for him to answer, thinking how stupid he was, and not realizing what was practically written out for him.

"Screw meeting up there; do you want to take the plane together?" He quickly says as soon as Chris opens the door.

For a few seconds after he asks, he stands there waiting for Chris' answer, hoping he's wasn't wrong in thinking this is what Chris wanted. But before he can start doubting himself, Chris throws himself into his arms and crashes their mouths together in a kiss that leaves them both gasping for breath.

"I'll take that as a yes." Darren says once he can breathe properly again

"Yes," Chris buries his face in his neck and smiles, pressing his lips to his now heated skin. "Glad you finally understood what I wanted."

"I feel like an idiot for not realizing earlier."

"It's okay," Chris looks him in his eyes; Darren staring into his colorful ones as well. "I still like you."

* * *

By the next day both of their bags are packed and they board the plane to Italy together, ready for whatever the country brings them.

* * *

**Thanks for reading and tell me what you think so far.**


	2. Steal Your Heart Away

**Sorry about the wait on this next part.**

* * *

**Naples**

The water is cool on his skin as he breaks the surface, the sun shining down around him and twenty feet in front of him, he can see Chris sitting on a beach towel reading a book under a umbrella. Going under the water and swimming toward him, he steps out of the water and his feet sink into the sand as he takes the less than fifteen steps toward him, feeling his skin soaking in the hot rays of the sun. As he walks, he can't but help to notice how gorgeous Chris looks in shorts and loose shirt with his legs slightly bent so he can rest the book on top of his thighs as he reads. His pushes his sunglasses up when he lifts his head and sees him, smiling as he sits down next to him.

"You should come in the water with me. It feels amazing in there." Darren says as he lies back on the towel, smiling up at Chris.

He recalls the day before when they visited Mount Vesuvius, smiling at the memory.

_"Nothing like visiting a volcano known for destroying a whole city." Chris laughs as he looks up at the volcano._

_"It hasn't erupted in over sixty years, so I think we will be fine." Darren says as he grabs Chris' hand and begins to walk with the other people up the trail along Mount Vesuvius._

They had been in Naples for exactly three days, seeing most of the tourist attractions that had caught their attention in a guide book they picked up. But so far, they have found themselves visiting more restaurants than anything else, because in the place known for pizza, they were definitely going to be doing a lot of eating.

Wanting to do something different, they decided to visit the beach and relax under the sun for a few hours.

"I'm fine out here." Chris replies, closing his book and lying back with him, handing him his sunglasses. "Plus, my sunblock might wash off if I get in the water."

"I wouldn't mind the tough job of reapplying that." Darren grins at him, putting on his sunglasses and turning over on to his stomach.

"I'm pretty sure you would love that job." Chris jokes, Darren catching his eyes roaming over his body and getting a thrill at knowing Chris is staring at him.

Thirty minutes later, sitting up and deciding to go into the water again, Darren tries once more to get Chris to go with him. "Come on, it will be fun," he says as he stands in front of Chris and tugs on his hand. "Just a quick dip with me in the cool, refreshing, and clear blue water."

"I want to, but I don't want to get out of this comfortable spot." Chris says as he smiles up at Darren.

Darren is just glad that Chris has changed his mind, and so taking matters into his own hands, he somehow manages to get Chris up and over his shoulder. He chuckles as Chris yells and squirms over him, trying to get down.

"Dare! Put me down, people are staring."

"Only because you're making so much noise." Darren says as he steps into the cool water until it reaches around his hips. "Ready?"

"For what?" Chris asks, unsure of what the hell Darren is about to do.

"Think it over for a second."

Darren can't fight the grin on his face when Chris figures it out, telling him, "Darren Criss, you better not do what I think you are about to!"

Without saying anything, Darren—nicely, he would say—drops Chris into the water, hearing him let out a shocked scream right before he goes under. He stands there for a few seconds before he feels hands grip tight around his ankles, pull and drag him under. All of a sudden, he's under the water and has arms wrapping around his waist. Opening his eyes, he sees Chris smiling at him as he leans forward and kisses him.

After about a minute underwater, he feels Chris let go and swim to the surface; doing the same, he pulls him close, uncaring of all the people behind them and in the water, Darren kisses Chris, tasting the salt of the water on his lips. They finally manage to break apart and swim to shore, deciding to gather their stuff and head back to the hotel.

* * *

Back in the hotel room they decided to share, Darren takes a shower and cleans the feel of sand and the beach off his skin, feeling refreshed when he steps out of the bathroom. Dinner is room service and sharing a slice of chocolate cake in the middle of the bed he sleeps in. When he sees a smudge of icing above Chris' lip, he leans forward and pushes him back on the bed, leaning down he licks it off in the more seductive way than he meant to. "Tastes good," he says after running his tongue along the spot above Chris' lip.

"Me or the cake?" Chris asks, as he stares up at him, a blush appearing on his cheeks.

"Mmmm, both…definitely both." Darren leans down and kisses him.

After what seems hours—but closer to forty-five minutes—Darren pulls back, much to Chris' protests, and says they should probably stop and go to sleep. As he watches Chris climb into his own bed, he wishes he hadn't already taken a shower, because at the moment a cold shower is exactly what he needs.

"Goodnight, Dare."

"Goodnight, Chris." Darren says, turning onto his side and instantly feeling sleep overtake him.

The sensation of the sheets being pulled back a few hours later has Darren waking up almost immediately. He's surprised when Chris climbs into bed with him and presses close. "Hey," he softly says, feeling his body shaking in his arms. Moving to look at Chris, whose eyes are red from the tears he's holding back. "What's wrong?"

"I had a nightmare." Chris mumbles against his shoulder, voice breaking some. "Will you hold me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I will." Darren comfortingly says, holding Chris close, stroking his thumb over his lower back. "What was the dream about?" he asks.

"Is it fine if I don't say?" Chris whispers, draping an arm over Darren's side. "I don't want to think about it anymore."

"That's okay." Darren replies, humming a song into Chris' ear to help him fall asleep. Within a few minutes, he feels Chris go lax against him and hears his breathing even out and decides to go back to sleep as well.

* * *

He feels so much better as the cool water hits his skin, washing away the long day Chris and him just had. They walked around exploring the city and got a bite to eat, stopping to buy little souvenirs for their family and friends. After a few more hours of walking around, they decided to call it a day and go back to the hotel and rest.

Stepping out of the bathroom, Darren finds Chris asleep in bed and decides he's too tired to do much beside climb in his own bed and pass out.

Like the night before, a few hours later, he feels Chris climbing into bed with him, snuggling close and letting out a deep sigh.

"Another bad dream?" He mumbles as he nuzzles his nose into the side of Chris' neck.

"No," Chris says around a yawn, "I enjoy falling asleep in your arms."

Darren just smiles after Chris says that, humming a song like the previous night, and within a few minutes, both of them are asleep again.

* * *

The last day in Naples is spent just walking around and doing nothing in particular until Chris says he's tired and wants to head back to the room for sleep.

Just like the previous two nights, Darren isn't surprised when Chris climbs into his bed a few hours after he falls asleep, not complaining about getting to hold him close for a few hours at night. He's just glad that he wakes up before Chris so he doesn't embarrass himself like in London.

"So much for a room with two beds." Darren says as they check out.

"Sorry about that," Chris apologizes, cheeks getting a pink hue to them from blushing. "I didn't think that would happen."

"It's okay," Darren smiles at him, taking his hand and walking out of the hotel.

* * *

**Rome**

His nose is nuzzled into the crook of Chris' neck when he wakes up, the smell of his bodywash strong on his skin when he takes a deep breath. Sitting up and stretching his arms above his head, he yawns after the long day they had yesterday when they visited the Colosseum.

_"Oh, my God, it's gorgeous." Chris says as he stares in awe up at the Colosseum._

_"Yeah, just think of all the men that died fighting here." Darren jokes, smiling when Chris lightly punches him in the arm and tells him not to ruin the moment for him. "Sorry," he grins, giving Chris a quick peck on the lips. "No more jokes from me while we're here."_

_"Thank you." Chris smiles, grabbing his hand and heading to get in with the group about to tour._

_Walking inside, and on the grounds, Darren says as he stands in front of Chris, "My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next." _

"_So does that make me Emperor Commodus?" Chris asks as he laughs at Darren._

"_No, you're far too nice to be that asshole." Darren smiles at him, grabbing his hand and starting to walk again. "I would say you're a male version of Lucilla: strong, beautiful, and unafraid of doing what's right."_

"_I would say that's about right." Chris smirks._

When they got back to their room later than night, they both fell into bed after showering tired to the bone and out within minutes, and just like in Naples, Darren isn't even fazed when Chris crawls into bed with him less than two hours later.

Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he carefully climbs out and heads for the bathroom and stands in front of the sink, trying to think of everything gross to make his problem go away. Stepping out of the bathroom after a quick shower, he lets Chris walk by him to get in, placing a kiss to the back of his neck and hearing him sigh.

"What do you want to do today?" Chris asks after coming out of the bathroom and sitting on the edge of the bed to tie up the laces of his boots.

"Let's just see what we stumble upon." Darren replies, grabbing Chris' hand and hauling him up from the bed and walking out of the room.

* * *

"Can you imagine having to paint that?" Darren remarks as he stares at the intricate details of the painted ceiling above him. "Who even wakes up one day and says _'I think I want this giant ceiling painted corner to corner.'_ I don't see how Michelangelo did it."

"Stop putting so much thought behind it and enjoy the beauty." Chris tells him with his head tipped back and eyes trained on the ceiling.

Darren does that, looks at the nine different paintings on the ceiling that tell a story when combined. He is in awe of the painting, but still says, "It just seems like a lot of work for one person."

"Yeah, it does." Chris responds straightening his neck before it begins to hurt. "Maybe that's why Michelangelo took four years to finish it."

* * *

Back at the hotel room, Darren falls down on the couch as Chris heads for the bathroom.

"You hungry?" Chris calls from the bathroom, Darren seeing a shirt fly from that direction.

He tries his hardest not to think about how Chris looks right now: shirtless and the expanse of pale skin of his torso. "Yeah...starving." he yells back, looking up in time to see Chris' new shirt falling down and covering his stomach. Getting up and lifting his shirt the slightest to make sure he isn't going crazy, he runs the pads of his fingers over the deep purple bruise above Chris' left hip. "Hey, what happened?" He asks concerned.

"Oh, that," Chris laughs it off, brushing Darren's hand away. "I ran into something too hard the other day. It's fine."

"It doesn't hurt?"

"Only if you touch it." Chris chuckles, leaning in to kiss Darren—who lets all thoughts of everything that's not Chris' lips fly out the window. "Ready to go eat?"

"Yeah." Darren breathlessly says.

* * *

"You can't be serious!" Darren exclaims as he looks at Chris like he's crazy.

"I've always wanted to do this, and this is the perfect, and maybe only, time I will be able to. So, please, please, please do this with me." Chris begs, jutting out his bottom lip and giving him puppy-dog eyes.

"If we get caught, I don't know you." Darren says, not able to resist the look Chris is giving him. He soon has Chris jumping in to his arms and kissing him, repeatedly saying thanks against his lips.

They manage to get in and are dancing on the floor surrounded by dozens of people they don't know, Darren terrified of being caught. But he still gets excited at holding Chris in his arms and swaying to the music playing by the small orchestra.

"So…crashing a wedding." Darren smiles at him as he pushes Chris closer to him. "How long has this been on your to do list?"

"A few years." Chris replies, looking over Darren's shoulder. "It just seemed like so much fun to do something exciting and dangerous, and thankfully I had you with me to come along."

Darren just grins and continues to sway to the music as the sky begins to get dark as the sun slowly sets.

This is their last night in Rome and after spending four days seeing the usual tourist attractions, they decided to just explore what the city had to offer when Chris saw the wedding party and asked him crash it with him. He can't believe Chris actually got him to do something this crazy, but he is glad he did it. The thrill he has at being in place he shouldn't as he dances with an amazing person surrounded by people who give them looks as if trying to figure out who they are is greater than any he thought possible.

"Don't be alarmed, but when I tell you to run, you run, okay?" Chris tells him as he looks over his shoulder once again.

"Why?"

"I think we've been caught." Chris says as he drops his arm from around his shoulder and clasps his hand tight in his. "They're walking to us right now; they'll be behind you in less than ten steps."

Darren just stands there with his heart pounding like crazy waiting for the signal from Chris to sprint. He smiles when he sees the excitement in Chris' eyes as he looks at him.

"Run!" Chris yells.

Holding tight to Chris' hand, he runs for the gate they entered the garden in and run out, hearing men yell behind them as they chase. A few streets down, and no longer being chased, they go into a café and laugh at what just occurred. Breathing heavy and sitting down at a table, Darren feels more alive than he's ever remembered feeling and knows it's because of the person sitting across from him.

"That was fun." Chris laughs, pushing his hair back from where it's fallen across his forehead.

"That was awesome!"

* * *

"I have a question for you." Chris says later that night after climbing in bed with him.

After sitting at the café and eating, they walked around Rome at night and enjoyed the beauty of the city as it was lit up with lights.

"What is it?" Darren asks as he aimlessly runs his fingers along Chris' back.

"When can I hear you really sing?" Chris tilts his head back from where it's resting on his shoulder and smiles up at him.

"I'll surprise you."

"Don't take too long." Chris nuzzles closer into his side and falls asleep within a few minutes.

* * *

"Look, the Trevi Fountain!" Darren excitedly yells, clutching Chris' hand and running towards it. Standing in front of it, he takes in the beauty of the giant carved statues

"You know, legend has it if you toss a coin in that means you guarantee a return back to Rome." Darren digs in his pocket for a coin, finding a quarter and flicking it into the pool. Pulling out another quarter, he holds it out for Chris, who doesn't take it.

"No," he shakes his head, pushing his hand away. "I won't be coming back here. Rome is a one-time visit."

"You won't even chance it?"

Chris just shakes his head no and Darren tells him okay, walking away from the fountain.

* * *

**Florence**

Chris is snuggled into his side as they ride the train to Florence. The scenery that passes outside the windows is gorgeous

"Almost there." Darren says into Chris' ear right before kissing his temple.

"I just want to get off this train already." Chris groans. "I'm also starving."

"We can check-in real quickly and go eat something."

Florence is different in that they decide to stay at a vineyard instead of a hotel and sight-see.

Dropping their bags on the floor, Darren goes to the double doors and pulls them open, his vision immediately filled with the many rows of grapes in front of him. Breathing in a lungful of air, he can smell and taste the sweetness on it from the grapes, and he loves it. Looking behind him and expecting to see Chris ready to go eat, he instead finds him asleep on the bed with his knees up to his chest. Covering him with a blanket, he decides to explore the castle turned hotel they're staying at.

* * *

"Dare..." He hears Chris groggily say behind him a few hours later.

"Hey, looks like somebody is finally awake." He says as he sits on the edge of the bed, watching as Chris fully wakes up.

"Ungh...I'm sorry for falling asleep." Chris apologizes, rubbing his eyes and yawning.

"It's no big deal." He stands up and grabs Chris' hands and pulls him to stand with him. "Still hungry?" At that moment, Chris stomach growls and they both laughing, knowing that's answer enough to Darren's question. "Come on, there's a restaurant here that they say is fantastic."

"Okay," Chris says, still slightly groggy. "Let me take a quick shower first."

* * *

The restaurant is even better than what Darren heard; the food is beyond delicious and Chris and him couldn't get enough of the taste of the wine they drank. Between themselves, they shared four bottles, which is why both of them are giggling and stumbling along the path back to the room at the vineyard. Chris practically keels over laughing when Darren stumbles over his feet and ends up falling to the ground, scraping his palms.

"It's not," hiccup, "fun...fu...funny." Darren pouts, loving when Chris kneels over him, still laughing.

"Want me to kiss it better?" He slurs his words some as he asks, reaching for Darren's right hand.

Darren just nods his head yes, staring into Chris' eyes - which never leave his - as he places small pecks to the scrape over his palm. He bites his lower lip when Chris pokes the tip of his tongue out and traces first the scrape and then begins lick the length of his forefinger.

Taking his hand away, he brings Chris down and attacks his mouth. Tracing his bottom lip and licking into his mouth, he can still get a hint of the raspberries Chris had with his dessert, but mainly gets the taste of the wine on his tongue—the wine that tasted of cherries, oak, and many other distinct flavors.

Soon, he feels Chris begin to rock his hips down on him, and he doesn't hold back the moan that falls from his lips. Throwing open his eyes and seeing the dark sky filled with stars above him, he remembers where they are and stills Chris' hips.

"Wh-Do you not want me t-" Chris begins to say.

"No... No, it's just that we're on a dirt path outside, where anyone could walk by and see us." Darren reminds him.

"Oh, yeah...I to-totally forgot about that." Chris snickers, sitting up and back on Darren's thighs, staring down at him. "Shall we continue in our room then?"

"God, yes!" Darren exclaims.

* * *

Kicking the door shut, he feels as Chris begins to work at the buttons of his shirt as he in turn works to undo the belt on his pants. Being pushed back, he sees Chris finish undoing his belt and shove his jeans down, and then go for the hem of his shirt and begin to pull it up. Darren registers what he is doing and begins to do the same and is quickly down to his underwear like Chris.

Grabbing around his waist and pulling him close, he turns them around and shoves him up against the door; he grabs under Chris' knees and lifts his legs. Walking backward to the bed, he falls back on it and moans as Chris immediately goes back to doing what he was ten minutes before.

Darren's eyes flutter shut as Chris straddles him perfectly, sits up and begins to roll his hips down on him. The feel of their cocks brushing together, even through the layers of fabric, sends pleasure coursing through Darren's veins and makes him grip tight to Chris' hips and lift his own as best as he can. Fingers dig into his side as he feels how sinfully Chris moves his hips; rolls of his hips that are making him see white spots in his vision.

"Fuck... I'm gonna come." Chris pants out, working his hips faster and harder.

"Me too," Darren tells him.

Chris thrusts down half a dozen more times before moaning his name as he comes, throwing his head back and working his hips until he can't anymore.

Seeing him like that, and hearing Chris say his name filled with so much lust, is enough for Darren's hips to stutter and come inside his underwear, feeling like a teenager all over again.

Chris collapses on top of him and says through heavy breathing, "I guess alcohol really is liquid courage."

Darren just laughs and wraps his arms around his waist. He had every intention of making sure they both got up to change, but somehow hearing Chris' even breathing has him falling asleep himself.

* * *

The first thing that registers with him as he wakes up is that he has the worst hangover ever. Opening his eyes, he groans as the bright sun fills his vision as he sits up, which causes the blanket to slide off his body. As he looks down to find he's in only his underwear, he hears Chris groan behind him; looking over his shoulder, he moves the blanket enough to find him in only his underwear. His memory is fuzzy, but he can remember lying on the ground as they kissed under the night sky, can remember being back in their room as Chris straddled him and- "Oh!" It all comes back in a rush, as if a floodgate opened up and dumps the memories of Chris moving perfectly on top of him, the noises he made, the way he looked as he came, and...how hot his name sounded as it feel from his lips.

"Dare," he hears Chris mumble, turning around to find him opening his eyes and immediately throwing his arm over them. "What the fuck happened?"

"Um...we got drunk and...had some...we mi-"

"I'm going to assume what you're trying to tell he has something to do with my underwear being covered in dry come." Chris says, moving his arm and looking at him.

Darren just says yes and asks, "How do you feel?"

"Like I'm hungover." Chris replies.

"I mean about what happened?" Darren clarifies.

"Upset."

Dropping his head at Chris' answer, Darren feels as if he should have known even drunk not to push to do anything Chris wasn't ready for. "Sorry," he mumbles, sounding ashamed of what he did.

"Hey," Chris says in a soothing voice, sitting up and moving to sit behind him, hooking his chin over his shoulder. "I'm not upset that it happened, I'm upset that I can barely remember it."

Picking his head up and turning his head to look at him, Darren smiles, "Really?"

"Really," Chris repeats, placing a quick kiss to his lips. "After this hangover of mine is cured, can we do it so I actually remember this time?"

"I have no problem with that." Darren grins as he tips his head back as Chris kisses him, feeling him pull back too soon.

"Sorry, but I need a shower and Tylenol."

* * *

By the time they make their way along a row of grapes in the vineyard mid-day the next day, Chris and him have three separate occasions that Chris will definitely remember this time. It seems since yesterday morning after the drunken incident where Chris admitted to wanting to do it again, they haven't been able to concentrate on much beyond the other person.

As they walk along the row, fingers laced together, they barely listen to their guide, Lucia, who talks about all the work put in to making a great wine. Other people are enthralled with everything she has to say, but Darren can't seem to care when Chris continues to pull his attention away from Lucia. He

"Now," she says with a thick, heavy accent. "If you would like to, we invite you to pull a bundle of grapes off the stems and eat some for yourselves. You will find that they are almost like any other grape, only with more seeds." Everybody laughs after she says that.

Darren reaches behind Chris to pull some grapes off just like the other people are doing. Handing some to Chris, he bites into one to find it taste almost like any other grape, except a bit sweeter. As he eats, he stares at how Chris licks his lips when the juice flows from the grape he bites into, wanting to kiss him and taste the grapes on his lips.

"If everybody has had their fill of grapes, we shall now proceed to where we make and store the wine." Lucia's voice pulls him out of thoughts of Chris' lips and wanting to pull him close and kiss him.

* * *

"I would like to thank everybody for coming out to our great vineyard and seeing where and how we make out award winning vintages." Lucia smiles, stopping at a table lined with different types of wine. "We offer complementary bottles of our red wines which include: Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot, and our Pinot Noir."

As Chris grabs a bottle of the Pinot Noir, he grabs a bottle of the Cabernet Sauvignon, noticing how Lucia grins when she sees their hands linked together. Walking out of the building and making sure no one is around, Darren pulls Chris between rows of grapes and kisses him like he's been wanting to for the past two hours. As he massages their tongues together, he can still make out the lingering taste of grapes on Chris' tongue.

"Come on, let's go eat, I'm starving." Darren says as he pulls back from the kiss.

"That's mean." Chris says as he pouts.

"What is?"

"What if I wanted dessert before dinner?" Chris just smiles as Darren realizes what he's telling him.

"But isn't it more fun to wait?" Darren presses as close to Chris as he can, feeling how hard he is getting as he kisses along his neck and his free hand roams over his back. "Isn't it more fun to feel the desire growing by the minute with every look, every touch until it's too much and we practically bolt for our room?" He whispers that into Chris' ear as he rocks his hips forward the slightest, making Chris moan into the now night sky. He can feel Chris shaking as he kisses down his neck and over his collarbone.

"Please, Dare..." Chris begs, as he drops his head back.

"You're right," Darren says as he kisses up his neck. "We should go eat now."

Grabbing Chris hand and walking to the restaurant, he smiles as Chris tells him with a hint of annoyance in his voice, "This isn't what I wanted."

"I know." Darren replies, leaning over and kissing him real quick. He knows exactly what Chris wanted, because he would have been totally fine skipping over dinner in favor of spending it in their room. But, he wants to wait, wants to see how long they can play this little game of trying not to jump each other in the middle of the restaurant, and based off how both of them are right now, he knows it will be a quick dinner. "Don't worry, we'll get there tonight."

He doesn't let the smile tugging at Chris' lips get past him.

* * *

Chris is lying on the floor, breathing heavy as Darren lies on top of him between his legs, trying to catch his breath. Their bodies thrum with the aftershocks of their orgasms, making it hard for them to do much beyond brush their lips together in a chaste kiss.

They had made it through dinner as fast as they could, and once they were back in their room, Chris wasted no time in pulling Darren close and kissing him. Rather than taking the few steps to the bed, they decided the floor was good enough. Both so on edge already, it took a few thrusts of Darren's hips down onto Chris' before both of them came.

"We sho-... We should probably get off the floor." Darren says as he rolls off Chris to lie on the floor next to him. Staring as Chris turns onto his side and rests his head on his propped up elbow, Darren can't believe how gorgeous he is.

"What?" Chris laughs.

"You're stunning." Darren honestly says.

"Not many...Actually, nobody ever tells me that." Chris drops his gaze to the floor, pretending to be interested in the tassels on the rug.

"Well, I'm telling you that." Darren pushes Chris onto his back and hovers over him on his hands and knees. "I'm telling you because it's true, because you might be the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen, and because you're beautiful inside and out. You deserve to hear that every day." As he finishes, he can see a blush spreading across Chris' cheeks, knowing he believes everything Darren just told him.

"You haven't seen me at my worst, though." Chris tells him, eyes filling with sadness.

"I'm pretty sure even at your worst, you're still more stunning than most." Darren tries to say but sees Chris begin to cry. He lies back on the floor and pulls Chris close, "What's wrong?"

"I can't tell you because it will ruin everything." Chris says through his sobs.

"How do you know that?"

"B-because I do."

"Okay, that's fine; you don't have to tell me." Darren whispers.

Sometime later after Chris had stopped crying, they got up from the floor when they could no longer ignore the stickiness in their underwear.

Taking a quick shower, Darren steps out of the bathroom to find Chris already lying down in bed with his back to him. Climbing in and pulling him close to his body, he begins to hum a random song until both of them fall asleep.

* * *

**Venice**

"Now, this is a place where I could live forever." Chris says when they arrive on Venice.

"Why's that?"

"Look at all this beauty."

Venice is much easier to enjoy, in that they don't rush to see everything the city has to offer. Instead, they simple act as a couple who have been there longer than the six days they are staying. Everywhere they go, whether it was a restaurant or museum or just walking around, Darren always has Chris' hand in his.

And just like in Naples and Rome, every night Darren is awakened a few hours after falling asleep to Chris climbing in bed with him. He knows it's stupid to spend extra money on a room with two beds when only one is ever used, but he wants to let Chris make the choice to sleep in the same bed with him, and not force it on him.

Still, every night, he holds him close when he gets under the covers with him. It's become so easy, that they get comfortable with one another and are back asleep instantly, Darren always falling asleep to the smell of green apples from Chris' bodywash.

* * *

The last night in Venice, they're walking around, admiring the beauty that is the city on water, trying to find a restaurant.

"Hey, this place looks like a great place to eat." Chris says as the stop in front of a small, out-of-the-way restaurant half filled with local patrons. "Wanna try it?"

"Yeah," Darren nods his head, feeling Chris tug him inside.

The atmosphere of the restaurant is very warm and welcoming; their waitress is a middle aged woman who doesn't speak a word of English. When Chris looks at him with wide eyes, Darren just chuckles and goes about talking to the

"You speak Italian?" Chris says surprised, an air of something to his voice as he talks.

"Yes." Darren replies, dipping a piece of bread in a small bowl of olive oil on the table. "I know enough of other languages to hold a steady conversation." he pops the piece of bread into his mouth and smiles at Chris as he chews.

"So, you have a talented tongue." Chris says, blushing at realizing what he said.

"A very talented tongue." Darren winks at him.

After eating dinner, Darren stands up and holds out his hand, Chris looks up at him not understanding. "Dance with me." he says.

"I don't think they'll want us-"

"You didn't understand what she told me." Darren says when Chris slips his hand in his, pulling him up and walking to the small dance floor. He pulls him close and rest a hand at Chris' lower back, feeling him wrap an arm around his neck. "She told me that we were the cutest couple she'd seen in a long time." Darren whispers into his ear, feeling Chris' lip turn up into a smile against his cheek. They begin to move to the music the four man band is playing, Darren holding Chris closer.

"How can you blame her for that statement." Chris replies, looking at Darren and smiling. "I'm very cute, if I do say so myself."

"No, Chris," Darren tells him, "you're very handsome."

Chris beams a radiant smile at him after saying that, leaning forward and kissing him in a simple press of lips.

After that, in the middle of a small restaurant in Venice, with Chris in his arms as they sway to the rhythm of the music the group is playing, Darren realizes he's in love with Chris.

* * *

Two hours later walking with their fingers linked together down a street with the sky a dark blue, and the moon barely starting to glow, Darren can't keep his eyes off Chris. It's as if he's seeing him differently than he has before. Now, he seems more beautiful with his slightly up-turned nose, freckles that are scattered across his face, lips that are curved up into a smile.

"Stop it." Chris tells him, shaking him of his thoughts and realizing he was caught staring at him.

"Stop what?"

"Stop looking at me like I'm the most beautiful thing you've ever seen." Chris mumbles.

"You are, though." Darren sees the look Chris throws him as if he's crazy. Stopping them, Chris turns to him and he brushes a few loose strands of hair back from his face. Saying in a voice breaking with nerves at admitting something this big, Darren tells him, "Chris, I-I love you."

When it came to love, Darren was never sure if he would find it; even if he did, he thought it would take longer to fall. He expected it take months before he fell in love with someone; but with Chris it only took five weeks. With the few other people he's dated, they were relationships that seemed to never go beyond a certain point, but now, he's let Chris in completely and it feels right. This was easier

After a few minutes of silence, he expected a few different things to happen, but what Chris says never even crossed his mind as a possibility.

"Would it be wrong in saying I wish you didn't?"

"What?" Darren asked confused, stepping back a few inches from Chris, and looking at him as if he just asked him to cure cancer. "Why?"

He stares as Chris wraps his arms around his stomach and tears begin to well in his eyes, watching as they roll down his cheeks.

"Because, in the end, I'm only going to cause you heartbreak, and I don't want that for you."

"You don't know that." Darren tries to tell him, but seeing Chris shake his head. "Besides, you don't know how things will end."

"Yes, I do, and in the end, you not loving me would have been easier."

Darren doesn't understand why Chris is telling him this; doesn't understand how him being in love with him will be bad.

"If you know how things turn out, then tell me...inform me how this ends badly?"

"I want to—trust me I want to tell you—but I can't; and it's better if you don't know." Chris brings up the palm of his hand covered by his cardigan and wipes away the tears that fall from his eyes.

"So, do you want to end th-"

"No!" Chris yells a little too loudly and too fast, causing people to turn to look at them.

"No," Darren repeats, his heart jumps in his chest at those two letters, letting out the breath he didn't know he was holding. "Why?"

"Because...I love you, too." Chris says smiling, and blushing at the confession. "And being the selfish person I am, I still want to be with you while I have you."

When Darren presses their mouths together, he tastes the saltiness of Chris' tears on his lips as he runs his tongue along his bottom lip.

"I'm going to prove you wrong. I'm making sure this never ends."

The only answer he gets from Chris is for him to kiss him again.

* * *

Later that night as he comes out of the bathroom after taking a shower, trying to think what it is Chris isn't telling him. All kinds of crazy thoughts went through his mind, but by the time he was drying off, he decided to put it out of his mind almost completely. Walking into the room, he finds Chris sitting in the middle of the bed with his knees up to his chest; he's covering his toes with his hands, chin resting on his knees, and a far off look on his face.

"Hey," Darren climbs into bed and sits behind him, kissing at the back of his neck, smelling green apples from his body wash on his skin. Pulling him so he ends up lying against his chest, he says into his ear, "What's going on in that head of yours?"

Chris tilts his head back and looks up at him, asking, "Does it scare you how quick it happened?"

"Yes and no." Darren responds, seeing the look of confusion in Chris' eyes after he says it. "Yes, because I've only known you five weeks, and I always thought it would take me months to fall in love with someone. But with you, it was so easy to just…fall. No, because how the hell didn't it happen sooner—though if I'm being totally honest, I think I started falling in love with you on that first day. You're an amazing person and falling in love with you is probably the most right thing I've ever done."

Chris turns around and kisses him, saying through the few tears rolling down his cheeks, "I love you."

* * *

"So, to Paris we go." Darren says as he sits on his suitcase and tries to zip it shut the next morning. "Are you excited?" he asks Chris after accomplishing to zip his bag all the way.

"Yes. It's the place I've been looking forward to the most." Chris says as he neatly folds his clothes and puts them away in his organized bag. "Then Spain will be fun."

"Ah, good old Spain. Can't wait to go there." Darren stands up and begins to attempt to fold some of Chris' clothes, but mainly tossing them in his suitcase without care. "We'll never make it there, or Paris, if you continue at this rate."

"Hey," Chris playfully argues, slapping his hands away when he reaches for more of his clothes. "I like to be clean and organized. There are few things I have control over in my life, how my suitcase looks is one of them." He finally shuts his bag and easily zips it closed. "See, no problems closing it."

"Whatever." Darren smiles right before kissing him, cupping the side of his face before parting his lips to let Chris slip his tongue inside his mouth. Arms slink around his neck and fingers thread through his curls as Chris massages their tongues together.

He seeks out Chris' mouth once again when he pulls away. "Why'd you do that?" he pouts, trying to kiss Chris again.

"Because," Chris says as he covers Darren's mouth with his hand, "if we continue we'll forget about everything else and just fall into bed."

Words are muffled against the palm of Chris' hand when Darren tries to respond.

"What?"

"I said," Darren clearly says when Chris drops his hand. "I see nothing wrong with that."

"Of course you don't." Chris replies, biting back a smile at the thought of doing that. "But, we have a plane to catch in a few hours."

"Fine…no funny business." Darren says as he puts the strap of one of his bags over his shoulder and grabs the handle of the other. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, let's go."


	3. This Years Love

**Sorry about the wait on this chapter. Got writer's block at the worst time. Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

They sit outside of a small cafe, cups of the best coffee they've both ever drank and chocolate filled croissants in front of them. Darren has an arm draped around Chris' shoulders as he rests his head on his shoulder, the Eiffel Tower in their view, lightened up and looking beautiful in the night.

"I love it here," Chris whispers into his ear.

"Yeah, me too," Darren replies, turning his head to look at Chris.

He always thought it was cliché for people in love to visit the city known for it, but as he sits with Chris' next to him by a Paris sidewalk he finally gets all the hype.

Paris is amazing on its own-based off the two days he's been there so far-but, Paris while in love is phenomenal. The city seems to make Chris and him the happiest they've been since being together.

The lights at night seem to shine brighter (as if just for them and nobody else.)

They've been in Paris for only two days, but Chris says on the morning of the third day he wants to spend the rest of the week a few hours outside of Paris in a village. So by that night they walk into a small bedroom of a hotel. It's big enough for them, but smaller than any of the other rooms they've stayed in.

Dropping their luggage on the floor once inside, Darren takes Chris in his arms and kisses him as he spins around. Feeling Chris smile against his lips, he stops and sets him down, seeing him look completely happy.

"I'm gonna shower and change."

"Okay," Chris replies, kissing him one more time before he grabs his bag and walks to the small bathroom.

Quickly showering and digging through his bag for pajamas, thinking he should be like Chris and organize his bags better. Stepping out of the bathroom, he finds Chris sitting on the middle of the bed lost in his thoughts.

"Bathroom is free," he says, pulling Chris from his thoughts. "Sorry if I scared you."

"It's fine. I was just going over something." Chris stands and grabs some clothes and his travel bag right before going into the bathroom.

Darren decides to spend a few minutes organizing what little he can of his crazy luggage. Giving up, he goes to the window and looks at the view.

Standing in front of the double doors that show a view of the beautiful countryside for a couple minutes, Darren smiles when Chris comes up behind him. Covering the arms he wraps around his waist, he lies his head back on his shoulder.

"It's a gorgeous view," he says as he looks to Chris.

"It is." Darren moans when Chris kisses him, parting his lips and letting him slip his tongue inside.

Grabbing Chris' hair behind him and deepening the kiss, Darren groans when he grabs his hips. He feels hands roam under his shirt and over heated skin, making him forget everything that isn't Chris in that moment.

Turning around, he captures Chris' mouth in a hungry kiss, pouring all the passion and want he feels into it. Slipping his hand under Chris' shirt, he hears him gasp when he slides his hand up and teases one of his nipples with his thumb. Feeling it harden to a tight nub, he moves his hand away and to Chris' lower back. Laughing when Chris pushes his hips forward, Darren indulges him by pushing his hips forward the slightest.

"Ple-please...Darren," Chris whines as he drops his head back.

"What do you want, Chris?" he asks as he kisses at Chris' long, pale neck.

He doesn't want to rush anything, but if this is something Chris wants, he needs to hear him ask. He needs to know that Chris wants this as much as him.

For the past few days a need, a want, has been building between them and he knows neither of them are no longer able to ignore what's there. He's surprised they've even managed to go this long these past few days without jumping each other like they want to.

"You," Chris replies, pressing even impossibly closer to him. "I want you inside me."

Darren's answer is to cup the side of Chris' face and gently kiss him. As he kisses him, he drops his hands to grab Chris' shirt. Pulling it over his head and dropping it, he lets Chris do the same for him. Taking his hand, he walks the few steps to the bed and moves to sit against the headboard, Chris climbing into his lap. He sees Chris' cheeks flushed red and him chewing on his bottom lip in nervousness.

"Chris, we don't have to do this right now."

Chris sits back on his thighs, looking down and playing with the waistband of his own pajama pants. "I want this, though," he admits, looking up at him through his eyelashes, cheeks getting redder by the second. "I've waited twenty years so I can do this with someone I love. I think you fill that requirement pretty well."

"Is that so?" Darren teases, stopping Chris' nervous habit he's doing at the moment of chewing on his bottom lip. "Seriously, though" he smiles at Chris, stroking his thumb over his cheek, "how is it you've yet to meet someone before me?"

"You don't know where I live." Chris sarcastically remarks, rolling his eyes some. "There was one person that came close, but he...it wasn't meant to be."

"Why not?"

"He dumped me after what happened—you know the thing that I don't want to talk about?" Chris gets a far off look in his eyes as if reliving a memory. "Anyways," he turns his gaze back to Darren and smiles. "I think it helped in the end, because I don't think I loved him; I think I cared deeply for him."

"How can you be sure about this, then?" Darren asks, not wanting to do something with Chris he'll regret tomorrow.

"Because...I love you," Chris says with nothing but honesty. "I truly," he kisses his neck, "madly," a kiss to his right cheek, "deeply," another kiss to his left cheek, "love you." He finishes by finally kissing him on his lips.

"I'll have you know I'm fighting from singing that song right now," Darren says as Chris kisses him again.

As he kisses him, Chris begins to hum the song against his lips, making Darren laugh and grab around his waist and roll them over.

Lying on top of Chris, Darren moans when Chris spreads his legs, making it easier for their hips to align and for them to begin to rock against each other. They go at a slow pace until it all builds and Chris lifts his hips one final time and comes. Darren follows soon after that, thrusting his hips down a few more times before coming in his pants.

"We sh-should probably take the rest of our clothes off." Chris suggests after they've spent a few minutes lying there catching their breath and kissing.

"If I didn't know better, I would think you just want to see me naked." Darren jokes, sitting back on his calves and toying with the waistband of Chris' pants. Pulling them down when he lifts his hips, Darren sees him close his eyes when they are fully off and he lies there naked. Skimming the pads of his fingers over Chris' soft flesh, and over a bruise right below his ribcage he wonders how he got, he feels Chris shiver beneath him. "You are gorgeous," Darren whispers, finally seeing Chris open his eyes and smile at him.

"Can you…I think it's only fair if you join me."

Darren lets Chris slip his fingers into the waistband of his pants and pull them down, along with his underwear. Helping him to pull them all the way off, he lets Chris look at him before lowering himself down between his legs.

They slowly begin to move their hips, taking in the feel of so much skin-on-skin contact; the feel of bodies pressed close together. Doing that until Chris tells him he to stop, he looks at him and sees his cheeks flushed red.

"I would really like to come with you inside me," Chris tells him.

"Um, Chris, I don't have any supplies," Darren says after realizing he didn't even pack any of that stuff.

"What!" Chris feigns being shocked.

Darren chuckles as he explains by saying, "It's not like I planned to meet anyone on this trip."

Chris begins to laugh and tells him, "It's okay, I know. That's why I bought some earlier." He grins up at Darren, stroking his thumb over his cheek. "I'll have you know it's just as embarrassing to buy in a different country as it is to buy at home."

Sure enough, in the travel bag on the nightstand are a new bottle of lube and condoms. Darren doesn't hold back the laugh as he grabs the stuff and sits back on the bed. Tearing off a condom and setting it on the bed beside him, he looks to Chris, who's just lies there staring up at him with trusting eyes. "How do you want to do-"

"I want to see you." Chris interrupts him, placing the bottle of lube into his hand.

Darren nods his head, popping the cap and squeezing some onto his fingers; he leans down and places a kiss over Chris' heart and up to his mouth, distracting him long enough to slide his first finger in. Chris gasps into his mouth at the feeling, and accidentally biting down on Darren's bottom lip. "S-sorry."

"It's okay." He moves his finger around enough to get Chris used to it.

Pulling back and pushing in with two, Darren can feel just how tight Chris is, and can't help but think about how he will feel around his cock. Soon, he feels Chris' muscles begin to relax around his fingers. By the time he pushes in with three fingers, Chris is slowly working his hips down on them. He stretches him, crooking his fingers on the next drag out and brushing over Chris' prostate, making him release a loud moan.

"Now...I'm ready."

Pulling his fingers out and hearing Chris whine at the loss, Darren reaches for the condom on the bed-side table. Tearing the foil open, and rolling the condom on, and using the extra lube on his hand to coat himself, Darren positions himself between Chris' legs.

"Ready?" He asks, seeing Chris nod his head and bite his lower lip. "Hey, it'll be okay, I promise. And you can stop at any time, alright?"

"Alright."

Lifting Chris' leg a bit higher, he begins to slowly push into him, feeling one of Chris' hands grip his arm and squeeze tight.

"Okay?" Darren asks, rubbing his thumb over Chris' hipbone, trying to comfort him.

"Ye-yeah, just go slow."

He finally bottoms out, and drops his head to breathe for a few seconds, kissing at Chris' bare shoulder. He picks his head up and kisses Chris, slipping his tongue past his lips and making him moan when he messages their tongues together.

"You okay," Darren says before kissing him and shifting his hips the smallest; but it's enough to have Chris telling him to move.

Pulling his hips back until he's almost all the way out, he slowly pushes back in as Chris tilts his head back and moans, his fingers digging into his back. Chris lifts his legs and wraps them around his waist, heels of his feet digging into Darren's lower back as he lifts his hips to meet the thrusts of Darren into him.

Soon, it's nothing but bodies sliding together, breathy whimpers and moans, and kisses on lips already swollen. It's perfect in every way.

"Close…I'm close, Dare," Chris whimpers against his lips as he kisses him. "Harder…Go harder."

"Okay," Darren says. He picks up the force of his thrusts into Chris, hearing him moan and feeling him tighten his legs around him as he does that. He can tell Chris is close. So, wrapping a hand around Chris, he strokes him a few times; seeing him bite his lower lip and arch his back, he comes over his hand.

Feeling him clenching around him, Darren thrusts a few more times and comes. He kisses Chris, pulling out and lying atop him, and feels as his body experiences the pleasure coursing through him. Feeling Chris' lungs expand as he catches his breath, Darren lays his head on top his chest and listens to his erratic hear beat beneath his ear. The _thump thump thump_ is calming to him in a way no other noise has never been; it's peaceful and sounds like home.

Fingers stroke through his hair and he nuzzles his nose into the crook of Chris' neck, breathing in the smell of him. "I feel sticky." He hears Chris say after a few minutes.

"I'll get something to clean us up, then," Darren says as he kisses him and climbs out of bed.

* * *

"Was this your plan since we got here?" Darren asks as he stares down at Chris, who's lying on his stomach hugging the pillow under his head. The sheet rests low around his hips, making it kind of difficult for Darren to focus on anything other than Chris' body.

He gently runs his fingertips along the knobs of Chris' spine, going down until he reaches the base and going back up again. Repeating the process for awhile, he can see Chris smiling as he does it as he lies with his eyes closed.

Never before has the expanse of creamy, soft skin been so beautiful and tempting than now. Darren wants to keep Chris right here like this for the rest of their lives just so he can touch. He wants to spend forever touching, tasting, and looking upon him. He wants to spend forever doing nothing but this, and knowing it would make him happy if he was able to.

"Truth: I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about." Darren laughs along with Chris as he looks up at him with eyes that never cease to amaze him. "But in all seriousness, I've...I kind of been wanting to do that since London."

"Really? London?" he asks shocked, stopping the movement of his hand and lying it flat on Chris' lower back. He strokes his thumb over the

"Yeah," Chris replies as he turns on his side, making Darren's hand slide and rest on his lower belly. "Since that morning we woke up after sleeping in the same bed for the first time."

"You mean the morning I made a fool of myself?" Darren shakes his head at the memory of that morning. Although embarrassed by his erection, he did love the feel of Chris' warm body pressed so close to his.

"Yeah," Chris says, nodding his head and smiling. "I had never wanted anybody like I wanted you then."

"Not even what's-his-name?" Darren asks rhetorically, rolling his eyes at the dumb guy that left Chris for a the reason Chris has yet to tell him.

"Even what's-his-name," Chris repeats with a grin.

"Is that why you wanted to spend the rest of the week here?"

"I wanted some time with just you. No distractions of people and places to see and noises and any of that stuff. So, I thought some place out of the way would be perfect."

"So...The rest of this week is just going to be spent-"

"In this bed without the outside world to distract us." Chris shyly smiles up at him. Darren loves that he gets shy and embarrassed about wanting spend a few days in bed doing nothing but enjoying the other person. "If you want?" he adds with uncertainty of what Darren is thinking.

Seeing the blush stain his cheeks, Darren kisses his lips and smiles down at him. Pushing his hair back, the locks silky and smooth to the touch, he is amazed at how much he loves the perfect-to him, anyways-man in his arms. "I want," he softly whispers.

* * *

They barely leave the room, not surprising considering why they are there.

Knowing they have a little over four days of just them and no other things to consider or worry about, they find themselves more often than not without anything on and in bed. Even when they attempt to dress to go out for a few hours to get some fresh air, all it takes is a touch or a kiss that lingers much longer than need be. Then it's only a few seconds before clothes are frantically pulled at and thoughts of anything besides the other person is gone.

That's how Darren finds himself holding Chris' hips as he slowly rides him.

Slow rocks of his hips down and breathy moans falling from his lips have Darren so on edge already but holding back for as long as he can. He thrust up to meet the roll of Chris' hips down on him, making Chris drop his head back and release a loud moan.

Wrapping his arm around Chris' slim waist, Darren pushes himself up. Maneuvering so it's perfect, he groans when Chris starts lifting and lowering his hips again. Arms drape over his shoulders and wrap around his neck, holding tight as Chris buries his face in the crook of his neck and continues to move.

It seems they stay like that for hours. But it's perfect. It's heat and tightness and closeness and breathless kisses and dragging it out until they can't hold back anymore. It seems to take forever to finally come, but when they do it's together; lasting longer than they imagined. Going through them and wearing them out as they collapse to the bed. It felt more like giving them to each other in a way they had never before.

Darren holds Chris close afterwards and whispers into his ear, "I love you."

Chris looks at him and smiles. "I love you, too," he replies right before kissing him.

* * *

Walking along a street a day-a-half later after returning back to Paris, they come to a nearby chocolate shop. The surrounding area of the shop makes the air fill with the sweetness and richness of chocolate. Breathing it in is enough to almost make him taste it on his tongue. Darren can smell the air get stronger with taste of chocolate the closer they get, mouth already watering to have some of it on his tongue and melt.

Stopping in front of the shop window and marveling at the works of art made out of chocolate that sit there on display, he hears Chris gasping in awe next to him.

"Let's go inside."

"Yes," Chris excitedly says bouncing on his feet and smiling big.

Never before has Darren seen so much chocolate in his life the second they step into the store. Shelfs lined along the wall and counters on the floor are filled with all kinds of chocolate treats.

"I'm kind of expecting Willy Wonka to jump out of nowhere and start acting crazy," he says with a chuckle.

"I think I might be in heaven," Chris says in awe, letting go of his hand and going up to a miniature replica of the Eiffel Tower made out of chocolate. "How much trouble do you think I'd get in if I took a bite out of this?"

"I'm not particularly fond of finding out," Darren whispers into his ear as he stands behind him. "Perhaps we should go for something we can actually devour."

"Okay," Chris says, Darren seeing him still eyeing the sculpture.

They end up buying more than they probably should. The half dozen chocolate-covered-strawberries are finished off not even five minutes out of the store. The next thing they start eating are the chocolate kisses.

"How was your kiss?" Darren asks as he eats one of his own.

"Good," Chris smiles, "but yours are more delicious."

Darren laughs into the kiss Chris gives him, moaning when he pushes his tongue past his lips and massages it against his.

* * *

He buries his face in the crook of Chris' neck, the smell of green apples still somewhat discernible on his skin as it mixes with sweat and the smell of sex. Climbing out of bed, he goes to the bathroom and cleans himself, wetting a washcloth and walking back to Chris. Gently cleaning his stomach, he throws the cloth in the direction of the dirty clothes, climbs back into bed and snuggles close to Chris.

"What are thinking about?" Darren asks as he circles his finger around one of Chris' nipples.

"Eating that chocolate."

Darren laughs so hard at that that he ends up on his back, crying tears of laughter. Hearing Chris chuckling next to him as well, he turns onto his side. "I love you so much," he says through his laughter, kissing Chris.

"I love you, too," Chris tells him back. "But I really do want some chocolate."

"I'll get it then."

Somehow they end up lying sideways on the bed, legs hanging over the edge as they eat the chocolates they bought from the shop earlier that day. Darren holds a bon bon between his fingers for Chris to take a bite out of it, watching how his lips wrap around the chocolaty treat and feels as his teeth sink in to take a bite. He smiles at the noise of pleasure Chris releases when he chews.

"I love chocolate."

"I can tell," Darren says, eating the other half of the bon bon, loving the rich chocolate taste on his tongue.

"I want to kiss whoever invented the stuff or eternally thank them," Chris says grabbing another bon bon and turning on to his back.

"Well, whoever it was, the French sure found a way to perfect it." Darren crosses his arms and lays his head on his arms, swinging his legs back and forth behind him and watching as Chris sucks the chocolate off his fingertips.

"We should totally buy more of those."

"We'll do that later." Darren sits up and on his calves, grinning down at Chris.

"What's that look?"

"Let's go out tonight," Darren suggests.

"Where?" Chris asks, pushing himself up and planting his hands on the bed behind him and leaning back some.

"There's a popular nightclub not far from here. We could go for a few hours."

"Okay," Chris agrees.

* * *

The music is loud in their ears as they dance against one another. Bodies moving together that would be illegal in public if they weren't clothed. Chris is chest-to-chest with him, and is moving his body just perfect against Darren's to the beat of the music. Darren places his hands at Chris' lower back where his shirt rides up just enough for him to feel hot, flushed skin beneath his fingers.

The beat of the music thrumming through his body adds to the feeling of Chris moving against him. Looking up, he sees someone staring intently at Chris as he dances with him and Darren smiles and internally cheers at knowing he doesn't have a chance in hell with him.

The song changes to one he recognizes, and he grinds his hips into Chris' ass, and watches as he throws his head back on his shoulder looking up at him, biting his lower lip.

Tilting his head, he captures Chris' mouth in a hungry kiss, feeling his tongue slip inside his mouth and lick at the back of his teeth. An arm wraps around his neck and soon Chris is deepening the kiss, moaning into his mouth in such a way that should be left for the bedroom.

Soon the erratic beating of his heart in his ears overtakes the music playing throughout the club, and he wants more. Turning Chris to face him, he crashes their mouths back together and places a hand at his lower back; fingers slipping a few inches into the waistband of his jeans, and digging in to the soft flesh beneath them. Chris' answer is to moan again and bite on his bottom lip, pressing his hips closer to his and move against him.

People continue to dance around them as they hungrily kiss; not paying any attention to the couple making out in the middle of the dance floor—as if it's the norm.

Darren finally pulls back to catch his breath, and ease off some; embarrassed of what might happen if they continue at the rate their going with all these people around to see.

"Let's get out of here." Chris says through deep breaths, and Darren seeing his pupils blown wide with need knows what is behind those words; knows this night is far from over.

"Okay," he nods his head and grabs Chris' hand, walking in the direction of the doors.

* * *

The whole cab ride they sit on opposite ends of each other, afraid if a single touch will set them off again, and they won't be able to stop-wanting to spare the cab driver that show.

Walking into the hotel and to the elevator, their hands briefly touch and it sends a spark through Darren that adds to the growing need.

Inside the elevator, they stand at opposite ends just looking at the other with want.

All it takes is for Chris to pull his bottom lip in between his teeth and bite it, releasing it a little redder than before, for Darren to move to him and crash their mouths together.

Mouths move together as hands roam over bodies and thighs slide between legs, both feeling how hard the other is through the layers of clothing.

Chris lifts his legs around his waist and thrust his hips forward just enough to send a small spark of pleasure down Darren's spine.

"Wa-want you so bad," Chris says as he continues to kiss him.

Right when Darren is about to say something the elevator dings and the doors open.

Deciding he doesn't want to let Chris go, he grabs under one of his thighs and around his back, and starts to walk to their room. If Darren ever wanted to thank clubs for staying open well into the night, this would be it; he's not sure he wants other people to see what Chris looks like right now, or for others to see them like this.

At their room, he tries swiping the card to no avail multiple times.

"Stupid crap," he curses, hearing Chris laugh as he nuzzles in closer to his neck.

"Let me." Chris whispers, dropping his legs and grabbing the card from Darren. With slightly shaking hands, he swipes the card and unlocks the door.

For as fast as they were going in the club, now it's about taking it slow and enjoying the moment, making sure they feel everything. Hands quickly undo the buttons of shirts and pants, and soon Chris and him are stumbling back on the bed naked.

* * *

Paper bag filled with breakfast pastries, Darren walks into the hotel room and almost drops the bag because of the sight in front of him.

On the bed, laying on his stomach with his head turned away from him, Chris sleeps with his arms under his pillow; blankets kicked off him, pooling around ankles, and still completely naked. He doesn't know how long he stands there watching Chris as the morning sun falls across his skin.

Darren knew if he were an artist this would be the image he would want to paint; trying to capture the lines of Chris' body, the color of his flushed skin, and the curve of his ass.

When Darren locks the door, Chris turns his head and smiles at him. "Hey, Darren," he says as if he knows what he was just causing Darren to go through. "Where'd you go?"

"I got brea-breakfast."

He can't take his eyes off Chris as he stands and grabs a robe, covering his pale skin; but before he wears it, Darren sees bruises on his hips and thinks if he was too rough the night before.

Chris ties the belt around his waist and kisses him before grabbing the bag away from him. "You're the best."

* * *

"Dare, where are we going?" Chris asks a few days later as he holds Darren's hand and follows him down the sidewalk to somewhere unknown to him.

"You'll see. Trust me."

"I always do," Chris says, squeezing his hand.

They walk for another five minutes until Darren stops them in front of a small bar. "We're here," he tells Chris as he pushes open the door and immediately hears the sound of someone singing mixing with the buzz of everybody else in the bar talking. He looks to Chris to find him gazing around, watching the person on the small stage and realizing where they are.

"Dare, did you drag me to a karaoke bar?" he turns to him and asks.

"You wanted to hear me sing, and I told you I would surprise you."

"How in the world did you find this place?"

"I asked around," Darren responds. "Come on, let's have some fun tonight."

* * *

He sings the last line of the song, and Darren winks and smiles at Chris who gives him a standing ovation along with the other patrons of the bar. Walking back to the small table, Darren begins to pull Chris up, "Come on, Chris, your turn now."

"No," Chris says flustered, already feeling nerves overtake him. "I haven't sung in a long time. I couldn't."

"You can." Darren encourages him, pushing a reluctant Chris toward the stage. "Do this and I'll do anything you want. Please." He tries to put on his best puppy dog eyes, grinning when he sees Chris give-in and agree.

He watches as Chris looks through the songs, and finally deciding on one.

Standing on the small stage, Chris nervously grabs the mic and shuffles his feet. "This is for-Well, he knows who he is."

When the music starts playing, Darren doesn't recognize the song, and sees the smile on Chris' lips as he looks to him and begins to sing.

_I never felt this way before_

_I have seen so many islands_

_I never felt this way before_

_In this song here I describe him_

_The chariots rise_

_Up high in the sky_

_What grace have I _

_To fall so in love_

_What a wonderful dream_

_It seems to be_

_'Cause I love him_

_I took the notes of past excursions_

_And I read them through once more_

_Only to find them all diversions_

_From the one true love in store_

_The chariots rise_

_Up high in the sky_

_What grace have I_

_To fall so in love_

_What a wonderful dream_

_It seems to be_

_'Cause I love him_

As Darren watches Chris sway to the music on stage, he can't get over how amazing he sounds when he sings.

_Though I have waited long_

_And they have all been wrong_

_Now I find in the end_

_With him I need not pretend_

_The chariots_

_They rise up high in the sky_

_What grace have I_

_To fall so in love_

_What a wonderful dream _

_It seems to be_

_'Cause I love him_

_'Cause I love him_

As the song comes to an end, the audience cheers and whistles, and Chris blushes at the accolades and heads back to Darren.

Once he's close enough in front of him to see the colors in his eyes, Darren stands up and pulls him into a passionate kiss. More cheers and applause-along with a few wolf-whistles-ring out through the small bar at the sight.

"I love you so much," Darren whispers into his ear.

He feels Chris hide his face in the side of his neck and giggle.

Sitting back down, Chris sits close enough to Darren to almost sit in his lap, and rests his head on his shoulder.

* * *

At the end of their three weeks in Paris, Darren is packing his bag when he realizes he has less than two weeks left with Chris. When he sees him sit down in the middle of the bed crossing his legs, he asks, "What happens in two weeks?"

"What do you mean?" Chris asks, trying to sound like he doesn't understand what Darren is talking about. But, Darren knows he understands what he's asking him by the way he sees his face fall the smallest amount.

"You know what I mean. What happens between us?" Darren says, a hint of frustration seeping into his voice.

Chris just sits there for a few moments looking at him not saying anything. Eventually, he shrugs his shoulders and says, "I don't know."

"What do you mean: you don't know?" Darren climbs on the bed and sits in front of him, reaching for his hands. "We can still see each other back home, right?"

"I don't think so," Chris whispers, dropping his gaze to his lap.

"Are you trying to tell me the next two weeks might be the last I'll have with you?"

"Yes."

"Can I do something to change that?"

Chris looks up to him and smiles, finally saying, "Anything could happen."

Darren leans forward and kisses him. Chris instantly responds back, sliding his tongue past Darren's lips and threading his fingers through his curls. Darren pulls back and rests their foreheads together, breathlessly saying, "You scared me there for a second."

"Sorry," Chris chuckles, giving Darren another quick kiss. "I'm just used to having nothing go my way." He climbs out of bed and says, "I'm going to take a shower, will you take care of dinner?"

"Sure."

As Darren orders room service, he is unaware of Chris sitting on the floor of the shower crying, the sound of the water falling around him drowning it out.

* * *

"So, to Spain we go," Darren says the next morning, walking up to the train. "Uh, that's a long train ride."

"You know," Chris smirks at him, and Darren can only wonder what he's going to say next. "I've always wanted to have sex on a train."

Darren can tell he's gaping at him; watches as he walks to the train, swaying his hips in a way that should be illegal, and steps on board.

"Well, are you coming?" Chris yells back at him.

He runs to climb aboard the train, and kisses at the side of Chris' neck, moving to his ear to tell him, "You're bad."

"One of the reasons to love me."

'Yes, that is most definitely a reason to love you.' Darren thinks as they walk toward their compartment.

* * *

**Okay, the song Chris sings is the acoustic version of Chariots Rise by Lizzie West.**


	4. Happy Ending

**I'm so sorry about how long I took to update this. I apologize a million times over. Hope this chapter is at least good enough to make up for the wait.**

* * *

Spain is different in that everything they do seems to be at a slower, calmer pace. They aren't rushing to do and see everything the city they are staying at has to offer. Instead of doing what they did at the other countries, here they simply decide to be together and take it day by day. Darren has no problem with that, because he still is scared to think about Chris and him maybe never seeing each other again at the end of the two weeks.

Waking up to Chris lying on top of him after being there for three days, he knows he will try everything in his power to keep this relationship he has with Chris going at any costs. Carefully climbing out of bed, kissing Chris' bare shoulder, he takes notice of the bruises on Chris' forearms and a few scattered over his back. Thinking they are nothing, maybe he might be a little too rough while they have sex; he makes sure to take note to be gentle the next time.

Walking to the bathroom, he climbs into the shower and lets the hot spray of water loosen his sore muscles. Stepping out and wrapping a towel around his hips, he smiles when he sees a sleepy and grumpy and still very naked Chris walk into the bathroom rubbing the sleep from his eyes.

"I could easily get used to that sight every morning," he says with a small laugh.

"I think...No, I know for sure my body hates me," Chris grouchily says.

"Why's that?"

Chris looks at him as if he said something he shouldn't have; a hint of fear and worry in his eyes, but as quick as it's there, Darren notices it's gone. "I...I ac-ache all over. I'm guessing from last night."

Darren loves the smirk he gives him. "Guess so," he agrees.

As Chris steps into the shower, he brushes his teeth, often looking at Chris' silhouette through the foggy glass of the shower door. Rinsing his mouth out, he hops up onto the counter and watches Chris as he steps out of the shower. He once again takes notice of the bruises scattered over his body.

"You sure do bruise easy," he just blurts out, not even thinking. "I noticed that this morning."

"Just unlucky like that, I guess," Chris jokes and laughs, Darren hearing how forced it is.

"I was thinking," he says to change the subject, "what do you want to do today?"

"How about," Chris answers as he saunters over to him with a mischievous grin. "We stay in the hotel room and have fun here?"

"Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?" Darren teasingly asks, smiling at Chris and arching an eyebrow.

"Yes," Chris replies as he nods his head. "What say you?"

"I say yes," Darren responds as he lets out a small laugh.

Moaning into the kiss Chris gives him, he hears him let out a small scream when he suddenly lifts him up, feeling Chris wrap his legs around his waist. Feeling him drape his arms over his shoulder, he holds him as he walks back out to the bedroom, ready to "have fun" as Chris suggested.

* * *

Six days later, he sits across from Chris as he picks at his food, and takes mouse bites when he does eat, Darren thinks nothing of; thinking he has no appetite and will be hungry later.

They decide to walk around the city just visiting souvenir shops, and buying different things here and there for their friends and families to go along with the other things they bought at the previous places.

Walking around a small shop-the third one they've visited-Darren notices Chris looking upset about something.

"Are you okay?"

"What..Yeah, just a little tired."

"You want to go back," Darren suggests, now noticing how tired Chris does look. His eyes heavy with a sleepy look, and posture slumped and not as he usually stands.

"Please," Chris whispers, laying his head on his shoulder, and stepping closer to him. "But let's take a cab back."

By the time they make it back to their hotel, Chris has fallen asleep in Darren's arms, and looks peaceful; so peaceful, Darren hates waking him up to get out.

Helping him out of the cab, Darren wraps an arm around Chris' waist-wondering if he's gotten smaller in the past week-and walks him to the elevator, and he lays his head on his shoulder.

"I'm so tired, Dare."

"I know," he kisses at the side of Chris' head on his temple. "We're almost to our room."

Standing in front of the elevator-which seems to be taking longer than usual-Chris wraps his arms around his neck and falls asleep standing up.

Darren grabs under his knees and behind his back, and picks him up, feeling how lite he is in his arms.

Finally, the elevator doors open and a middle-aged couple look at him weird before stepping off and walking away. Moving inside, he lifts his foot to hit the button of the floor their room is on and looks at Chris asleep in his arms.

Laying him on the bed, he hears Chris murmur some in his sleep, most of what he says unintelligible, but Darren catching the words "sick" and "sorry." He wonders what Chris could be dreaming about. Removing his pants, Darren pulls the blankets over his sleeping form and heads to the bathroom.

Stripping naked and taking a quick shower, Darren pulls on a pair of boxers and walks back out into the room. He climbs into bed next to Chris and feels him curl into him, welcoming his warmth. He watches a few hours of tv, barely giving what's on screen half his mind.

Close to eleven he finally drifts off to sleep.

The shuffling of the sheets and the sound of feet running across the room stir him awake in the early hours of the morning.

Sitting up, he sees the bathroom door open and the light falling onto the floor and hears Chris throwing up.

Walking across the room, and pushing the door open, Darren finds Chris kneeling over the toilet throwing up what little he ate from the previous day.

"Are you okay?" he asks concerned, sitting by him and rubbing his back-fingers easily making out and running over his bones now.

"I-I'm not su-sure," Chris stutters out, wiping his mouth with the hand-towel Darren grabbed as he walked into the bathroom.

Darren places his palm over Chris' forehead and feels it warmer than usual. "You're kind of warm; might be a flu or stomach virus."

"Yeah, pro-probably one-one of those," Chris mumbles as he shivers from kneeling on the cold tile in his boxers.

"Come on, let's rinse your mouth out and get you back to bed."

"O-okay."

* * *

"-yeah, most likely by tomorrow." Darren hears Chris say to whoever he's talking to on the phone. "Okay, I love you, too. Bye."

Darren hears Chris put the phone back on the receiver, and watches as he drops his head in his hands.

"Who was that?" he asks, startling Chris and making him jump some.

"Oh, you scared me." He lies back down on the bed and yawns, resting his head on Darren's shoulder. "That was my mom; telling her I was sick."

"What's tomorrow?" Darren lazily brushes his fingers through Chris' hair as he traces random patterns over his shoulder.

"Um...I told her that's probably when I'll be feeling better."

The mid-morning sun streams through the curtains and he sees it's almost eleven in the morning, but has no desire to get out of bed. So instead, he turns to lie on his side and feels as Chris snuggles closer to him; perfectly fitting his head under his chin and resting against his upper chest. Tangling their legs together, Darren slowly falls back asleep for a few more hours as Chris does the same.

He wakes up to Chris sitting up against the headboard writing something on a piece of paper. When he notices him watching, Chris quickly shoves it in the drawer of the nightstand and slides down to be eye level with him.

"What were you writing?" Darren asks as he leans over and pecks Chris on his lips.

"Nothing...Just a few scribbles of things," Chris replies.

Darren can tell he's not saying something but he doesn't want to push him to reveal what it is. Draping an arm over Chris' side, grazing his fingers over his back, he can still feel how warm Chris feels.

"Are you feeling any better?" he asks him as he presses his lips to Chris' forehead.

"Yeah," Chris replies. "A bit. Stomach still is upset a little, though."

"You want some medicine or something?"

"No," Chris responds as he shakes his head. "I just want to lie in bed and not do much."

"We can do that." Darren smiles at him and leans over and gives him a gentle kiss, not caring about getting sick himself. "It's not a bad day when I get to spend a day in bed with you."

"Even if we just do nothing but sleep and talk?" Chris asks as he chuckles.

"Even if we do just that." Darren nuzzles his nose in Chris' neck, breathing in the smell of him, pressing his lips to his skin and smiling. "It doesn't always have to be physical."

"I like that," Chris says as he somehow manages to press closer to Darren. "But, I do love the physical part, too."

"I love the physical part, too," Darren chuckles. Pulling his head back, he stares into Chris luminous eyes, amazed at how much love he sees in them as he stares at him. "I love you," he whispers.

"I love you, too," Chris immediately says back.

Leaning over and giving Chris a kiss, hearing him sigh, Darren doesn't find it crazy, or scary, how he's thinking about spending years having the opportunity to have days to spend in bed with Chris doing nothing more than kissing and talking.

Lying in bed later that night after spending the day doing exactly like they said they would, Darren has his arm draped over Chris' side and holds him as he listens to him softly breathing.

"Dare, will you sing to me?" Chris quietly asks.

"Of course I will. What do you want to hear?"

Chris links their hands together and brings them up to cover his heart. "Anything."

Darren takes a few moments to think of a song, deciding on one that he loves.

_Put your hand in mine_

_Can you read the signs?_

_I'll never lose you_

_I couldn't choose to if I tried_

_Put your faith in me_

_What will be will be_

_Some things I know_

_And I know that you were meant for me_

_I don't know where the ocean meets the sky_

_I don't know why the world keeps spinning by_

_Don't know why the hours move so slow_

_Babe, when I'm with you, I don't wanna know_

_I wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground_

_Wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound_

_Babe, it could end tonight, know it would be alright_

_'Cause I'm gonna love you, somewhere on the other side_

_It's written on your face_

_Just like a twist of fate_

_I can't erase it_

_Some things you know we can't escape_

_I don't know where the ocean meets the sky_

_I don't know why the world keeps spinning by_

_Don't know why the hours move so slow_

_But when I'm with you, I don't wanna know_

_I wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground_

_Wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound_

_Babe, it could end tonight, know it would be alright_

_'Cause I'm gonna love you, somewhere on the other side_

_And I will be there for you_

_Be there to shelter you_

_Anywhere you go, know I will be_

_And I'm gonna be the one_

_Be like the rising sun_

_Never hurt you_

_I don't know why the stars fall from the sky_

_I don't know why the heavens open wide_

_Don't know where the winds of change will blow_

_But when I'm with you, I don't need to know_

_I wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground_

_Wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound_

_Babe, it could end tonight, know it would be alright_

_'Cause I'm gonna love you, somewhere on the other side_

_I wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground_

_Wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound_

_Babe, it could end tonight, know it would be alright_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

By the time he finishes the song Chris has fallen asleep in his arms, and soon he feels his own eyes get heavy, and drifts off. A few hours later, he feels Chris startle in his arms and sit up, suddenly breathing heavy and damp from sweat.

"You okay?" Darren asks, sitting up and rubbing his back, and kissing his shoulder.

"Bad dream." The only thing Chris says as he rest his forehead in one of his hands. For a few minutes he doesn't say anything else, just twirling a loose thread on the blanket through his fingers.

Turning to him, Darren can see he has a look of worry in his eyes. "Will you hold me?" Chris whispers, sounding scared as if Darren might reject him.

"Of course I will," Darren answers, pulling Chris down and bringing him close and holding him. He feels Chris shaking and shivering in his arms, slightly scared something might be wrong. "You're shaking like a leaf. Are you sure you're okay?"

"It's just my dream I had," Chris replies. "It terrified me."

"Well," Darren softly tells him into his ear, trying to comfort him. "It was just a dream."

"A little too real," Chris quietly says.

Pressing a kiss to the back of Chris' neck, Darren holds him and hums a song to help him fall back asleep.

* * *

The next morning, Darren stays in bed with Chris as he finally starts to show some signs of getting better.

"You up for eating something?" he asks around three in the afternoon, Chris nodding his head yes and grinning. "What do you want?"

"Just soup for now...chicken noodle."

"I'll order room service for both of us, then."

When the food arrives, Chris only swallows a couple of spoonfuls of soup before pushing the bowl away.

"Still not hungry?"

"Guess not," he says as he climbs back in bed and lays down.

Darren gets in bed with him, and Chris turns to rest his head on his chest.

"Dare, I love you," Chris whispers.

"I love you, too." He brings Chris' hand up to his mouth to kiss at the inside of his wrist, just like he knows Chris loves.

As he feels his eyes get heavy, he thinks he hears Chris say he's sorry.

* * *

He doesn't remember falling asleep, and when he sees it's almost eleven at night, he can't believe he slept away the rest of the day.

Feeling that the space next to him is empty, he sits up calling Chris' name. By the time he says it for the fourth time, looking around the room is when he notices and knows.

No longer sitting on the table by the bed is Chris' phone; gone are his shoes by the door, and his bags aren't on the floor by the closet-which he guesses to be devoid of his clothes now.

Walking to the nearby table, he sees an envelope with his name written on it in Chris' handwriting with a sticky-note on top.

He reads the message on the sticky-note and has to sit down after reading what's written. Written on it says: _By the time you read this letter I'll probably be getting ready to fly over the Atlantic Ocean, so don't try and make the grand gesture of trying to stop me in the airport._

Opening the envelope, he pulls out a folded letter quickly written in Chris' handwriting.

**Darren,**

_I love you. _

_I never thought I would get to say those three words to someone in my life the way I get say them to you; never thought I would get to feel how I felt when I was with you. You made me feel safe, happy, complete and loved._

_You loved me in a way that made it seem as if my heart beat just for you._

_Before arriving in Europe, I had an idea of what my trip would be. I planned to witness beautiful, manmade structures; get sidetracked and lost in places I've dreamed of visiting since I was a kid. But, you, you were the greatest unexpected part of this trip._

_When I first saw you, I knew you were different; knew you could be the white light I needed in my world that seemed to be filled with nothing but darkness. And you gave that to me. You gave me a few months of complete happiness when I've only experienced sadness and hurt._

_When I told you I would break your heart, this is what I meant. I always knew I would have to leave you in the end-even if you tried to change it. Don't think it has anything to do with you, because it doesn't. I don't want you to see all the terrible things that are about to occur. When I say you deserve better than me, I mean someone who will be able to love you longer than I can._

_I so desperately wish things were different, but everything happens for a reason, and meeting you was the best happening I could ever ask for._

_Now, I ask you to not and try to find me; it will only make things harder on both of us if you do._

_I know I'm breaking your heart right now, but know I'm breaking mine as well; but this is dim in comparison to what I could do if you stayed._

_Know that no matter what, no matter how you feel toward me now, I will love you until the day I die; you completely own my heart, and it will always be yours._

_Love with all my heart, Chris_

_**P.S.**__ If I could live forever in the last months I spent with you, I would in a heartbeat._

It takes Darren reading the letter three times before it sinks in.

Never in a million years did he expect for this to happen

Falling back on the bed, he breathes in the scent of Chris lingering on the pillow and cries.

He doesn't know how long he lies there crying, or what day it is when he decides to go back home.

* * *

**The song Darren sings is On The Other Side by Augustana. I will try not to take as long to update again.**


	5. Where You Are

It takes Darren two long days after that to get home to his apartment.

When he steps inside it's too empty, too quiet, and too wrong.

Where he once found comfort and called home no longer feels like that. He knows the only home he has now is with Chris.

Falling in bed, he burrows under the covers and falls asleep. He sleeps for hours on end; welcoming the time when he doesn't have to experience the pain of having Chris leaving him.

It takes him three days before he climbs out of bed to try and eat something unsuccessfully. It's as if his body can't function properly anymore without Chris next to him. He knows it's crazy to be so broken over somebody, but he also knows Chris wasn't just somebody. Chris was his heart, and without him, he can't live properly.

It takes him almost two weeks before he calls his family to tell them he's home from his trip. If he thinks his mom suspects something, she doesn't press him for answers, only tells him she's glad he's home safe and sound, and that to visit soon.

Some nights he'll sit in front of his window looking at the stars wondering if Chris is doing the same. Other nights, he'll aimlessly pluck the strings on his guitar; one night realizing he's playing the song Chris sang to him at the karaoke bar in Paris. After that, Darren doesn't touch his guitar again.

The sound of silence accompanied by not playing only makes it harder to drown out all the questions left unanswered that run through his mind. He goes from confused to angry to sad to wronged all in less than an hour.

In total it takes a month and a half for Darren to ignore Chris' request.

With his brother's help, he finds out where Chris lives and makes the decision to go get him back.

Rushing home, he packs a bag without care and heads to the airport to get to the one person with answers to all the questions he has; to the one person that he loves, and will make him feel alive again.

* * *

The entire plane ride he nervously fidgets with his phone and other things to keep his mind off what he's doing. He never thought he would be like that person in those romantic movies he occasionally watches who decides to go get the person they love. If like those movies, he hopes this plays out with a happy ending.

Stopping on the curb of the house, he gets out and begins to walk to the door. He nervously plays with the keys in his hand, stopping in front of the door and immediately knocking. It doesn't take long for him to hear someone unlocking the door and opening it.

"Hi," Darren smiles at the woman standing in front of him, guessing this to be Chris' mom. "You must be Mrs. Colfer, I'm-"

"Darren, I know," she cuts him off, her voice comforting like a mom's always is.

"You do?"

"You were all he talked about when he came back," she replies, closing the door and gesturing to the porch swing not a few feet away. "You should have seen the way his eyes lit up when he said anything about you. I'm pretty sure you've figured out me to be his mom. I'm Karyn."

Darren's smile gets minutely smaller when she walks to the porch swing and pats the spot next to her where she is sitting; he wants to see Chris, and hates that he's in the house so close, but sits down.

"He's here, isn't he?" he asks, letting hope slowly begin to creep back into his thoughts.

"Yes," she smiles at him, waiting for him to sit next to her. "He's here."

"I want...Can I see him?" Darren desperately asks.

"How much do you know?"

"About...?"

"Why he left?" she responds, laying her hands in her lap.

"I don't know anything; but that didn't stop my mind from running rampant with thoughts of somebody else or he made a mistake or...I don't know."

She smiles at him as she says, "There's no one else, I promise."

"Why?"

"Darren, there is something you need to know, something important about Chris," Karyn says, looking out to the view in front of her of the blue, afternoon sky; the breeze blowing cool on their skin. "First, you must know, when he was born he was the light of my eye, and I loved him immediately-I mean he was my little, baby boy, he was perfect. For the first eighteen years of his life that's how he was: perfect, with the world at his feet. But, two years ago, all that changed when he collapsed one morning standing in the kitchen helping me make breakfast."

Darren can hear the sadness in her voice, and sees a tear roll down her cheek; watches as she brushes it away with the back of her hand.

"The doctors said it's not the worst form of leukemia, they said treated it would be fine."

At those words, Darren feels his heart break for a million different reasons, but mainly for the Chris. It's then he understands what Chris was trying to protect him from. He realizes the one person he loves most on this earth is fighting a battle he is losing.

"You can't imagine the feeling you get as you watch your son realize he's had the world ripped away from him." Karyn continues, pulling Darren from his thoughts. "Chris went from the son I was going to watch grow-up and live, to the son that I might have to-" she stops, covering her mouth to quite the sobs escaping from her. Darren can feel the vibrations in the swing as she cries. He wants to break; wants to let go and cry himself. But he doesn't. He tries to be strong for her. "He went into remission early last year, and we thought it was over. But in March it came back worse than the last time."

"What about treatment?"

She turns to look at him with a small smile on her lips. "Chris has stopped responding, so the doctors told us to just let him live the last few years of his life as normal as possible.

"After that is when he made the decision to go to Europe and have fun for a few months. Of course, being his mom, it took a lot for me allow him to do that."

"He got sick, that's why he left?"

"Yes," she nods her head, clutching his hand in hers. "He's getting over this rough patch and should be good again...Well, as good as he can get."

For a couple of moments they just sit there gently swinging as they stare out at the world going by in front of them. The sound of children playing nearby can be heard, along with someone mowing their lawn. People living their lives as Darren thinks about Chris and his life.

"I'm glad I let him go," Karyn says after a while. "I'm glad he went to Europe, because he met you. Even though I barely know you, I love you for making him happy when he needed it most."

"He made…makes me happy, too," Darren whispers, hearing his voice trembling the slightest.

"I'll give a few moments to yourself, and then you can go see him." The porch swing moves as she stands and walks to the front door. Hand on the knob, she turns back to him and smiles. "I want to thank you, Darren; you gave him the one thing he wanted most."

After she goes inside, Darren sits on the swing thinking about everything he was just told.

He wonders how a person as beautiful as Chris could have something so horrible happen to him.

Looking back, and remembering certain things during their time together in Europe, Darren realizes all the signs were there-even though he didn't know he was supposed to be looking.

It explains the bruises, tiredness, sickness, and sudden weight loss. Now that he looks back, he wonders if he made Chris do too much, wishing he knew but knows that's exactly the opposite of what Chris wanted. He knows Chris didn't want to take it easy, he wanted to have fun and live normal for a few months.

Standing up after about ten minutes of sitting there, Darren walks to the front door and goes inside. He finds Karyn sitting in a the living room reading a book. Looking to her for help, he asks, "Where is he?"

"Last door on the left upstairs," she quietly tells him, giving him a warm smile.

Walking up the stairs, Darren looks at the pictures of a young Chris smiling brightly at the camera and grins at the pictures.

When he reaches the door to Chris' room, he opens it and sees it's almost as normal a room you would expect from someone Chris' age. He sees Chris sitting on the window bench with his knees to his chest, arms around his legs, and staring out the window.

Just by looking at him, Darren can tell he's lost more weight since last seeing him, his skin paler than usual and bruises on his arms.

Even seeing him like that, Darren still considers him the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

"Hey, Chris," he whispers-his voice uneven and shaking-and closing the door behind him with a soft click.

"Hi, Darren," Chris barely says loud enough for Darren to hear, keeping his attention on something he sees out the window.

Darren walks over and sits on the bench next to Chris, realizing he's been looking at a group of young kids playing across the street at a playground. He moves his hand to try and reach for Chris, but drops it when he sees him flinch.

"Why'd you come?" Chris whispers, pulling his knees closer to his chest-as if afraid of Darren trying to touch him again. "I told you tha-"

"Because, I love you," Darren interrupts him, sounding honest and sincere.

"Dare, loving me isn't a good thing."

Darren looks around the room for a few seconds before turning to look back at Chris. "Chris...loving you is the only thing."

For a few moments after he says that, the room is silent as Chris continues to stare out the window. Waiting until he is ready to talk, Darren sits there and just stares at him, glad he made the decision to come here. He doesn't care that he went against what Chris told him. He needed to see him; needed to fight for him. And finding out the truth about him doesn't change how he feels about him in the slightest. He still loves him with all his heart.

"Do you ever wish you could go back to when you were young; when everything was simple, and made sense?" Chris finally says with a soft voice.

"Don't we all at some point in our life. Why do you want to know that?"

"Because, I miss that. I miss thinking I was going to be the person to make a small difference in this world; I miss having nothing to worry about but when I was supposed to come inside from playing."

At that, Darren remembers seeing the picture of a young Chris as he walked to his room, and imagines him playing outside, cheeks red from exertion, hair a mess and clothes dirty and running home to his mom babbling about what he did. He chuckles at the thought of Chris with a frown on his face when forced to come in. "I bet you got in a lot of trouble when you didn't want to come in?"

Chris lets out a small laugh at that. "My mom got so angry when I ignored her. She doesn't do that anymore...get angry at me. I miss it sometimes; wish she would just snap and yell; make things feel normal for a while."

For a few seconds he doesn't say anything else, just continues to stare at the little children playing across the street.

"I envy them," Chris says, nodding his head at the kids, and squeezing his arms around his legs tighter, Darren hearing him sniffle as he tries to hold back his tears. "They have everything to look forward to, and don't know how easy it will be."

"Nobody has it easy, Chris."

"Yeah, but for some people they would love to worry about the small things and not about time."

At hearing that, he has to ask, has to know how long they have. "H-how long do you...How much ti-" he can't finish the question, not wanting to think about a world without Chris in it.

"A little under two years. But that could change fast," Chris responds, hugging tighter to his knees.

Two years. Twenty-four months. Never before has a number sounded so good and so wrong at the same time. He huffs out of relief knowing that he still has time with him (even though it's less than he wants, but he has time.)

"What is it you want, Darren?" Chris tries to demand, and failing miserably, voice coming out weak as he asks, finally turning to look at him with tears rolling down his face.

"You," he quietly breathes out, reaching for one of Chris' hands, and linking their fingers together. "I'll always just want you."

"How could you still want me after everything I did, everything that will happen?"

"Because, I fell in love with you, and if that brings with it problems, I can handle that; because it's already brought some great memories, and I hope to add more."

"In less than two years?" Chris angrily says, forcefully wiping away the tears rolling down his face.

"Yes."

"Why did we have to fall in love?" Chris says through a shaking voice. "Why couldn't we have stayed friends?"

"Yeah, that would have probably made this a bit easier," Darren softly says, moving Chris into his lap and just holding him. "But, Chris, me falling in love with you was inevitable."

"Yeah," he hears Chris softly whisper, nodding his head as if he understands. "I could say the same."

He stares at Chris as he mulls something over in his mind, tears rolling down his face, falling off and staining Darren's shirt where they hit. Wiping one away, he asks, "What is it?"

"I can't give you forever, Darren," Chris sobs into his shoulder, clutching tight to his neck and pressing as close as he can get to him. "I can barely give you now, and you deserve so much more. Someone other than me."

Moving Chris to look at him, wiping the tears that roll down his cheeks, and staring at eyes flecked with more colors than Darren thought possible, he rest their foreheads together and just breathes.

"Don't you think that's a choice I should make?"

"Yes, but-"

"No," he cuts him off. "I want you for as long as you'll have me."

"But, if we stay together, we can only have a handful of months."

"I rather have now-however long that may be-than to have never been with you."

"I don't deserve you." Chris hiccups, wiping away the last tears falling down his face.

"Yes, you do, because we deserve each other." Darren smiles at Chris, loving when he genuinely smiles back at him. "And you did."

"Did what?"

"Make a small difference in this world," Darren responds. "You made a difference in my world; and that counts."

He sees a few tears slide down Chris' cheeks. Pulling him close, he presses his lips to Chris' in a gentle, sweet kiss.

For a few hours after, sitting with Chris lying against him and doing nothing but holding him, Darren finally gets the courage to ask him what he wants from him.

Both staring out the window at night sky, he gathers his strength and speaks. "Chris, you have to do something for me," Darren breathes into his ear, and looking at him when he pulls back to stare at him.

"What?"

"Fight," he tells him, finding it crazy how five letters-one word-could hold so much power behind them.

He doesn't need to say anything more for Chris to understand what he's telling him.

"For as long as I can." Chris leans forward and presses their lips together in a simple, quick kiss before laying his head back on Darren's chest. Within a few minutes, Darren holds a sleeping Chris as he finally lets go and cries.

* * *

The next night lying on the bed facing Chris, Darren runs his thumb back and forth over his hip, making sure to be gentle.

"I wanted to ask you something?"

"What?"

"Your mom said I gave you the one thing you wanted most. What did she mean by that?"

"Oh, umm...I have to show you if you don't mind."

Darren nods his head, and watches as Chris goes to one of his drawers and pulls out a black notebook. Sitting up against the headboard, he wraps his arms around Chris' waist as he lies back against him, resting his head back on his shoulder.

"A few months after I was diagnosed, I started writing down all the things I wanted to do before I died." Chris' voice breaking on the last word, and stopping to let the feeling of sadness pass. "Anyways, I guess you could call it a Bucket List. Some things were expected: go to Disneyland, make someone laugh until they cried, pet a giraffe. Normal things like that."

Darren flips through the book and reads some of the things he's already done.

"Anyways," Chris tells him, and Darren hearing the smile in his voice. "There were three things that were the most important to me."

Flipping the notebook to the third to last page, Darren sees written across the top 'Visit Europe' with a red line through it. Beneath he sees all the things Chris wanted to do while there-most of them crossed out with the same red line through them.

"This explains what you told me in that café in England," Darren says, feeling Chris chuckle next to him.

Turning to the next page, he sees 'Get Married' written at the top with all the details below it.

On the last page he sees written 'Fall In Love' at the top with the same red line through it, and below he sees his name written with no red line.

Seeing that, he understands what Chris' mom told him about giving him the one thing he wanted most.

"Why isn't my name crossed off?"

"Because, I knew if I crossed it out, it meant that it was officially over between us."

"Well, where's your pen at?"

"There's one in the drawer in the nightstand next to you. Why, what are you going to do?"

Reaching over and pulling out the drawer, he grabs the red pen that rolls to the front. Uncapping it, he grabs the notebook from Chris and writes something Chris can't see.

Handing him back the notebook, Chris laughs at what he did.

"I love you."

"I love you, too," Darren says right before capturing Chris' mouth in a kiss that makes him feel as if he's in the one place that everything makes sense; he's home.

When they move to lie down, his legs kick off the notebook to the floor-still open to the last page.

Written on it is simple and to the point: 'Darren Criss loves Chris Colfer, and a giant red heart drawn in for love.

* * *

**I should finish the last chapter a few days and post it.**


	6. Finale

"Will you marry me?"

Chris is sitting next to him on the porch swing nursing a cup of tea when he asks him. The sun is hanging high in the sky, the weather is cold enough to not be annoying, but Chris is wearing a thick jacket and is covered by two blankets. It seems no matter the weather, Chris is always cold now, always snuggled close to Darren and his body heat.

He had been planning on something much more elaborate than sitting on a porch-swing in the middle of the day. His plans included music and roses and things that would remind them of Europe. But sitting here with Chris is more perfect than any plans he had. Sitting here is when he wants to ask.

It's been three months since he got Chris back; three months of seeing Chris slowly get back to normal, the color returning to his face and gaining some weight. Although others might think it too soon, he knows it's what he wants most. He wants to marry Chris.

"Wh-what?" Chris asks with a shaking voice, eyes filling with tears threatening to spill over.

Darren just smiles and wipes away the tear that rolls down his cheek. He asks again, "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Chris shouts in excitement, kissing Darren with more passion than he thought possible. When he finally pulls back, gasping for breath, Chris hugs him as tight as possible, repeatedly saying yes into his ear.

* * *

As Chris stands in front of him wearing a simple, black tux, Darren never lets go of his hands as they're placed in his. He strokes his thumb over the pronounced bones of Chris' hands, only thinking about the silver band he's about to place on his finger. They say 'I do' and exchange rings, crying the whole time and kissing at the end.

Turning to the few family and friends in attendance, they are immediately greeted with applause and cheers. Darren had tried to convince Chris to go all out, do everything he wanted when it came to the ceremony, but in the end he kept it simple by having it in his backyard with less than sixty people invited to witness this very special moment between them.

"I love you, husband," Darren whispers into Chris' ear as they sit at the main table being congratulated by people walking up.

"As I love you, husband," Chris replies, lying his head on Darren's shoulder and smiling.

Darren drapes his arm across Chris' shoulders and runs his forefinger over the ring on Chris' finger when he links their hands together. It feels so right, so perfect to be married to Chris, to hold his hand and feel the wedding band on his finger. He loves that it's there and announces to the world that Chris loves him and made the choice to marry him, and he loves that he has an expect replica on his finger-the only difference being the engravings on the inside.

The sky is already starting to turn from a dark blue to a deep black, the tea-lights draped over trees and the posts framing the small dance floor turn on and make it that much more beautiful. Seeing that, he doesn't think this moment and this day could have been any more perfect.

"Thank you, Dare," Chris tells him as they dance one final time for the night.

"What for?" He looks at him with slight confusion in his eyes.

"For marrying me even though..." Chris shrugs his shoulders and half smiles, looking around him at the other couples dancing as well.

"If anyone's lucky to be married tonight, it's me," Darren says to break the tension of what Chris didn't need to say. "I mean, considering I snagged the greatest guy on the planet."

"I think I should be saying that," Chris says, resting their foreheads together and closing his eyes.

They finish out the rest of the dance like that, not thinking about anything else but the day they just shared. Holding Chris close and swaying to the music takes Darren back to the day they crashed that wedding in Rome and how right that moment felt, now knowing he was always meant to be in this moment married to Chris.

"Ready for our honeymoon?" Darren asks when the song ends, seeing Chris nod his head.

Quickly changing out of their tuxes-and only getting distracted once by the other-they head downstairs to the group of people waiting for them. The cheers and applause is loud in their ears as they walk down the stairs and to the car waiting outside. Bubbles float around them as they walk past family and friends, stopping in front of the car to wave to them. Darren gives Chris a deep kiss right before they climb in and leave everything behind for the next two weeks.

* * *

Hawaii is more beautiful than both of them thought it would be. The smell of sea-salt is strong in the air and the wind is cool on their skin. Darren picked this place because he knew with the sun always shining during the day, and warm weather still during the night, Chris didn't have to worry about being too cold and wearing too many layers.

The house they're staying at is about forty feet in from the white, sandy beach. It's secluded enough from other houses apart of the resort they'll be staying for them to do whatever they desire.

Clothes are quickly discarded and they stumble together to the bedroom. Darren barely gets a good look around before he's being pulled down on the bed by a desperate Chris.

As he sinks down around Chris a few moments later, Darren drops his head back and moans, biting his bottom lip. Rocking down, Chris lies back and grips his hips, thrusting up. He moves up and down, up and down until he feels his body thrumming with the need for release. Chris angles his hips and hits that spot perfectly inside him on his next thrust up. He's close, he just needs that little thing to push him over, and when Chris moves his hand from his hip to cover over his heart is what does it. It's the feel of the cool, silver band touching his heated skin and looking down and remembering that he's doing this with Chris, doing this with his husband does his orgasm rip through his body.

As he works his hips through his release, he feels Chris thrust up half a dozen times and spill inside him. Lifting himself off Chris and dropping down on the bed next to him, he can't help the smile that's on his face as he lays there in his afterglow.

"I love having sex with you as my husband," he admits when Chris turns on his side and looks at him.

"I love having you as my husband." Chris smiles, leaning over and kissing Darren.

After that, the first few days of their honeymoon are spent in the massive king size bed doing nothing but making love, sleeping and eating. When they weren't doing either of those things-which was not very often-they talked.

One night Darren convinces Chris to go skinny dipping. Both of them undress and run hand-in-hand to the water; Chris shouting in delight when a wave crashes over both of them and drags them under the warm water for a few seconds. Resurfacing, Darren pulls Chris close and kisses him, tasting the slight saltiness on his lips from the water. Standing with the water lapping around their hips and the moon shining down and reflecting on the surface of the water, Darren only cares for the person in his embrace. In the next instance the kiss deepens and becomes more. "I want you," Chris mumbles against his lips.

Carrying Chris back to the house, his legs wrapped around him and fingers linked together behind his neck, Darren never stops kissing his soft lips. He lies down on the bed, and as they roll around together, their wet skin and hair immediately soak the sheets.

Chris claws at the bed sheet beneath his hands as Darren moves tortuously slow inside him after he prepped him, pushing back to meet his thrusts into him.

"Ple-please, Dare, go faster," Chris begs, dropping to his elbows and spreading his knees further apart.

Darren runs his fingers down Chris' spine, softly gripping his side; he begins to really roll his body into Chris. He slowly picks up his speed and is thrusting at a fast pace, feeling how close he is. Reaching under Chris, he wraps his hand around his cock and begins to stroke him. It only takes five strokes before Chris hotly spills over his hand and squeezes around him, making him come as well.

He cleans them both after, lying on Chris' chest and listening to his heartbeat slowly calm down after he throws the washcloth in the direction of the clothes hamper. "It's crazy how easy I can recognize your heartbeat by now. It's one of the greatest sounds in the world."

"Is that so?" Chris asks as he aimlessly strokes through Darren's hair.

Darren just smiles; turning to kiss over where Chris' heart is, saying against his skin, "Yes, it's its own symphony to me."

* * *

When he wakes up, the sheets are now dried from the night before, and Darren smiles at the memory of tangled limbs and breathy moans. Sunlight floods in through the windows and doors and bathes them in a welcoming warmth. The breeze that blows through the open doors stirs Chris awake. Pulling him to his chest, Darren runs his fingers up and down his back and smiles when he snuggles closer to him.

"What do you want to do today?" Darren asks as he feels Chris randomly draw patterns on his chest.

"This is fine right here," Chris quietly responds.

They eventually leave the house and explore the beauty of the island they're on. Meeting lovely locals who suggest places for them to eat. One restaurant quickly becomes their favorite as they sit outside, close to the beach. But mainly, they stay at the house, most of the time only wearing boxers as they go about their days.

One night as Chris sits in his lap with his arms wrapped around his back, Darren slowly strokes up and down his spine as he hums a song, still not over the fact that he's married to Chris.

"Is it still registering with you that we're married?" he asks, kissing the top of Chris' head where it's resting against his chest as he stares out the opened double doors.

"Some," Chris replies, Darren knowing he's smiling. "It feels amazing, though, when I do remember or see my ring or when you call me your husband." He turns his head and smiles up at him, eyes shining with happiness.

"I love you." Darren leans down and brushes their lips together in a whisper of a kiss, saying against his lips, "My husband." He isn't surprised when Chris grabs around the back of his neck and kisses him fiercely, making them forget everything and fall back in bed.

One particular day finds them lying on a spread out blanket on the beach completely naked as the sun sets in the horizon, throwing a mixture of red's and orange's across the sky. They've been that way for almost thirty minutes, knowing there's nobody around for a mile going down both sides of the beach. Darren lying sideways with his head resting on Chris' side as he twirls his fingers through his hair. Chris' head is in his hand, elbow propped up and looking at him.

The last of the water-drops clinging to them from the swim they had is drying on their skin as they just lie there enjoying their surroundings.

"We only have two days left here," Chris says as he maneuvers to lie on his stomach, arms crossed under his head.

Darren moves to lie half on top of him, resting his chin on his shoulder. "It's been great, though."

"Yeah...it's been great." Chris smiles, sighing when Darren starts to mouth at the back of his neck.

Darren moves down to kiss between his shoulder blades, moving down to suck and nip at the skin of his lower back. He does that until he pulls back and there is the beginnings of a mark showing over the spot. Chris turns over and smiles up at him, Darren seeing how turned on he is. "I love you," he says, cupping the side of Chris' face and kissing him.

"I love you, too," Chris responds when he pulls back from the kiss, looking Darren straight in his eyes. "Forever and always."

That night as Chris slides into him and moves perfectly, Darren tries not to think of the 'forever and always' Chris told him, because to give it any thought would acknowledge what little time they have. Instead he drowns his thoughts in the feeling of Chris inside him, the mix of their voices as they gasp and moan from pleasure, the sensation of Chris spilling inside him and coming over his hand and onto both their stomachs. He focuses on gentle hands cleaning him afterwards, soft lips kissing him as he holds Chris tight; they kiss until Chris falls asleep in his arms. It's only after hearing his evenly breathing for twenty minutes does Darren let the first of the tears roll down the side of his face, because he would do anything for a forever and always with Chris.

* * *

The last day in Hawaii is spent swimming in the clear blue water (clothed for once), going into town one last time, and finally putting the sunbed on the back porch to use...technically (lying naked on it as Chris moved in him and the sun shined down on them was good enough use to Darren.)

Later that night as he lies in bed curled around Chris, legs tangled and skin sweaty, he turns the ring on Chris' finger. "Back to the real world tomorrow," he quietly says, kissing behind Chris' ear.

"Back to no longer pretending," Chris says, voicing what both of them were doing during their time here.

Here is where it was easy to forget Chris is dealing with something beyond terrible and be a couple madly in love simply celebrating coming together in marriage. Here is where it was easy to be extremely happy with nothing to worry about except when to get out of bed. Here is where they could simply be Chris and Darren without the problems of life.

Here is where they wish time could stop and live forever in this perfect world they had.

* * *

Returning home, they rent out a house more than big enough for two people. It's close enough to Chris' home if anything happens, but away from the town he doesn't want to live at anymore.

Instead of unpacking, they collapse on the couch and fall asleep in each other's arms. They don't wake 'til close to eight at night, laughing at sleeping most of the day away.

They decide on making their first meal in the house. Somehow despite all the kissing, they manage to make a pasta dish that reminds them of Italy.

After they finish, they sit in the hot water filling the bathtub; the dozen or so lit candles that surround the bathroom providing their only source of light. Darren lies back against Chris' chest, feeling when he breathes out and shivering when he skims his fingernails across his stomach.

"I've always wanted to live in a house with a claw-foot tub," Chris admits, Darren knowing he's smiling without having to look.

"Good thing we found this place, then," Darren says, smiling as he turns around and sits between Chris' legs with his knees pulled up to his chest. "You're gorgeous," he silently whispers as he watches the flames of the candles throw shadows across Chris' face.

Chris scoots closer to him and places his hands on his knees, resting his cheek on top of his hands. Darren leans down and kisses at his temple, running his fingertips down his spine and seeing him shiver.

Chris finally picks his head up and says, "I love you."

Darren smiles as he says, "I love you, too."

"Dare?" Chris links both of their hands together and strokes his thumb over the back of his hand.

"Yeah?"

Chris smiles as he says with all honesty, "I'm happy we're here together. I'm happy you came back for me. I'm...happy."

"Yeah," Darren says, stroking his thumb over Chris' cheek, seeing it glisten from the water. "I'm happy too, because I have you."

He leans forward and slowly kisses Chris, running his tongue along his bottom lip and then licking into his mouth. Chris moans into his mouth as Darren massages their tongues together. All too soon, Darren feels Chris move away; opening his eyes he sees him standing up. Water rolls down his body and falls back into the tub as he holds out his hand. "Come on."

Darren stands up and takes his hand in his, asking, "Where we going?"

"Dare, we're naked in our house on the first night, I think we should celebrate."

"I was hoping you'd say that."

They leave a trail of watery footprints behind them as they walk to the main bedroom.

Several minutes later, Darren has Chris up against the door of the bedroom as he slowly thrusts into him; kissing Chris as he releases whimpers and moans. The heels of Chris' feet dig into his lower back, one arm is wrapped around his neck clutching his shoulder as the fingers of Chris' other hand dig into his hip. As he thrust up, Chris rocks forward into it, dropping his face into the crook of his neck, letting out little breathy moans.

Darren groans as Chris at first kisses the skin of his neck, then begins to nip and bite, lapping over the quickly reddening skin; he knows by morning there will be a noticeable mark where Chris' mouth is working against his skin.

Pulling back and angling his hips, Darren thrust up and hits Chris' prostate, seeing him throw his head back and let out a scream of pleasure. Fingernails dig into his skin and mix the pleasure with pain; making everything he's feeling that much better.

"I'm close," Chris pants as he stares into Darren's eyes.

Capturing Chris' mouth in a tender kiss, Darren reaches down and takes him in hand. Slowly stroking him as he continues to thrust up into him, he feels a few moments later as Chris spills over his fist. Working him through his orgasm, Darren stutters his hips a few thrusts later and experiences his own release.

"We should christen every room," Darren breathes against Chris' skin after dropping his head to Chris' shoulder, letting out a small laugh at his joke.

Feeling Chris grab a handful of hair at the back of his head and lift it, Darren stares into Chris' gorgeous eyes. "We have all night," Chris says in a serious tone with a sly grin. It's right then that Darren knows it's most definitely going to be a long night.

* * *

He gets the first one two weeks later one morning. Rolling over and finding Chris gone, he sits up and finds a folded piece of paper on his pillow. For a few moments, he's back in the hotel room in Spain, scared that Chris has left again. Picking it up, he lets out a sigh of relief when he begins to read what Chris wrote him.

_Hi, Husband,_

_I love writing that, saying that, thinking that. I love knowing that I can look at you and think to myself: Wow, this amazing person decided to marry me; me who always thought himself plain in a world where beauty stood out. But, you fell in love with me and I fell in love with you, and here we are: married and happily in love. You made it possible for me to finally feel beautiful...beyond beautiful in this world now. So, thank you a million times over._

_Love, Chris_

_P.S. Now come downstairs so we can enjoy breakfast together._

He grabs a pair of boxers and a shirt, and quickly pulls them on, moving fast down the stairs and to the kitchen. He finds the table set up with food and Chris sitting on the sun-nook drinking a cup of orange juice. Instantly going to him, Darren tips his head back and kisses him.

"I love you," he breathes out when he finally pulls back, sounding like he just ran a marathon.

"I take it you like my letter?" Chris smiles, standing up and grabbing his hand.

"Yes."

"Good." Chris giggles, brushing a strand of hair back from Darren's eyes. "There'll be more, and I won't tell you when they're coming."

The next letter comes a month later. Chris hands him the mail he grabbed, sitting back against the arm of the couch facing Darren as he flips through the envelopes. When he gets to the last one, he smiles and looks up at Chris, who's pretending to read a book; on the front of the envelope is his name written in Chris' loopy handwriting. Tearing open the back, he pulls out the paper inside and begins to read.

_Hi, Husband_

_Last night I watched you sleep after we made love, and it hit me: You are the one person who will get to see me like that. You are the one person I will only get to bare my body and soul to, and it made me feel elated. I realized I was completely and definitely okay with that, because if I had to choose one person to let them see me like that it will always be you._

_I get to share this with you and only you, and I thank you for making this experience so much more than just sex. I will always see it as you and me becoming us; where you somehow seep inside me in a way that touches the deepest parts of my heart._

_I still find it crazy, though, sometimes, that we get to experience what very few people find together. But I'm glad we get that small amount of time; this chance to have this._

_Love, Chris_

When he finishes the letter, Darren looks up to find Chris gazing at him with a big grin. He grabs around his ankles and pulls him to lie back on the couch. Moving to hover over him, Darren smiles down at him, amazed that this completely incredible person is his husband.

"I am so head over heels in love with you," he says right before crashing their mouths together in a heated kiss. As mouths move together, he mumbles, "I should thank you," he kisses down his jaw, "for picking me." He kisses down Chris' neck and over his collarbone, saying, "I'm glad to make it so much more than what it is."

He moves back up to look at Chris below him, a tinge of red to his cheeks, still blushing at what Darren can do to him. Darren strokes the back of his fingers over his cheek, occasionally kissing him.

"Want to spend the day in bed?" Chris suggests, raising his eyebrow and grinning.

"Definitely."

* * *

Their first big argument happens three months after living in the house over something Chris said he never wanted to even talk about because it hurt too much. Darren stormed out of the house more frustrated with the situation they are in rather than Chris himself. He returned a few hours later calmed down to find Chris sitting on the steps of the porch waiting for him. Darren got out of the car, immediately telling him he was sorry and that he wasn't mad at him.

"I love you so much." He cries onto Chris' shoulder. "I'm just so angry at everything happening."

"I know," Chris murmurs into his ear, holding him close. "Now you know why I didn't want to imagine a possibility of where we could have that, because I know it won't happen."

As they walk into the house and he sits on the couch, Chris sits in his lap and he holds him. If they are denied one thing doesn't stop them from having something else. He whispers into Chris' ear, "How about a dog?"

He hears Chris chuckle and say, "I could do that."

That's how they come to adopt Scout the English bulldog who instantly won their hearts when they saw him at the shelter. The fact that he's fifteen pounds overweight and described as lazy is overlooked by both of them.

At the moment, he lays on the kitchen floor asleep as they make dinner, snoring loud enough for them to hear.

"I think he might be the laziest dog I've ever known," Chris laughs as he sits on the counter eating strawberries.

"But he's the cutest," Darren throws in, smiling when Scout picks his head up as if he knows they're talking about him. "Yes, we're talking about you," he tells him, throwing him a piece of chicken, which he eats in two bites.

Turning off the stove, Darren abandons dinner in favor of standing in between Chris' legs, and kissing his lips that strongly taste of strawberries. Hands slip around his neck and fingernails scrape the back of his neck as he kisses Chris. A silky tongue pushing past his lips is enough for him to grip under Chris' thighs and lift him off the counter.

"Want to eat later?" Chris asks through baited breath.

"Yes!" He instantly replies.

As they walk up the stairs, fingers scramble to remove clothes that leave a trail behind them; they fall back on the bed naked and in need of the other.

Some people would be shocked to learn just how often they find themselves in this situation (which is almost always naked and making love.) Chris once said it was because he can't get enough of him, and he says the same. But somewhere he knows it's so he can remember the feel of Chris' body pressed close to his; remember every inch of skin, every mark and scar and freckle and birthmark, remember how Chris looks and sounds and is as they make love.

After, dinner is sitting in their pajama pants and shirts on the couch, watching a show on tv together and falling asleep in each other's arms.

* * *

Christmas morning is spent with family and friends, opening presents and eating around the family table. Back at home that night is spent sitting on the floor in front of their "Charlie Brown tree" as Chris called it. Scout is passed out on his dog bed in the corner of the living room as they exchange presents.

"Merry Christmas!" Darren says as he hands Chris an envelope with a blue bow on it.

Chris smiles up at him after reading what is written on the paper, tears welling up in his eyes. "You named a star after me?"

"That's how I will always think of you: beautiful and shining bright in my life. So, I thought why not name one after you. Do you like it?"

"Yes." Chris nods his head, smiling big. "I love it. Now I'm forever going to be in the sky." Chris leans over and kisses him, pulling back and nodding to the box in his hands, "Open yours."

Darren rips the paper off, excited like a child. Opening the box, he throws out the tissue paper to find a photo-album, picking it up he flips through it to find it empty. At the last page, he sees a letter pressed between the plastic. He grins as he begins to read the new letter from Chris.

_Hi, Husband_

_Merry Christmas. Now, I bet you're wondering why you're holding an empty photo-album at the moment. Well, this is half of your gift, the other half you should ask for right about now.-_

Looking up to Chris, he asks, "What other half?" He sees him pull another box from behind his back and hand it to him. Ripping off the wrapping paper, he sees it's a digital camera box. "Chris, I don't-"

"Finish the letter."

He looks back to the letter and continues to read.

_-This camera is for you to take as many-or few-pictures of us to fill this album. Now, knowing you, you'll probably just end up taking hundreds of pictures of me. Take whatever pictures you wish, but take pictures, because this is to remember all the great time we had together after I'm gone. So, start taking pictures._

_Love, Chris_

Darren takes the digital camera out of the box to find it all ready to go. He immediately goes about taking pictures of Chris-like he knew he would.

That's what he does until the first photo album is filled with pictures of them, but mainly ones of Chris when he didn't know Darren was taking them. His favorite picture of him is one he will never let anyone see. Chris sits naked on the edge of the bed; as his skin glows in the morning sunlight, knees up to his chest with his arms wrapped around his legs, hair a mess, he looks at the camera with a smile on his face.

The pure look of love on his face outshines the rays of sunshine falling around him. He looks as if he was given the greatest gift as he stared into the camera.

Darren walked into the bedroom and instantly knew he had to capture the image; only taking one picture and nothing more.

"I love it," he tells Chris as he places the camera on the floor and kisses him.

* * *

Sometimes he'll catch himself doing it, and other times Chris is the one to point it out. He will sit there and twirl the ring on Chris' finger with a far off look in his eyes. One night as they lie there in bed with their limbs tangled and he does it without thought, Chris says, "Dare?"

"Um...Yeah?"

"Can I ask something of you?"

"Of course you can." Darren turns his head to look at him. "What do you want?"

Chris opens his mouth to talk, but nothing comes out. Sitting up, he buries his head in has hands and sighs when Darren sits up and kisses at his bare shoulder.

"It's okay, Chris, you don't have to tell me right now."

He picks his head up and looks at him with sadness in his eyes, saying, "You have to promise me you'll move on. Try to be happy with someone else after I'm gone from here."

Chris' words make it feel as if someone just punched him in the gut. His heart feels as if someone is squeezing it in his chest and won't let up, continuing until there is nothing left for him to feel alive.

"Chris...I d-don't think I'll be able-"

"You're going to have to try," Chris cuts him off, placing his hand on the side of Darren's face and stroking his thumb over his cheek. "You still have to live."

Darren closes his eyes-a single tear rolling down his face, and feeling Chris wipe it away. He drops his forehead to Chris', saying, "It won't be much of a life without you."

"But it will be a life," Chris softly says, voice hitching some as he talks. "Will you promise me?"

"Yes," Darren finally says, not knowing how much truth is behind his admission. "But I won't make any promises of meeting someone like you again."

"Of course not," Chris jokes, breaking the tension surrounding them like a thick blanket. "I'm one in a million."

Darren chuckles, kissing Chris hard enough so they both can forget the conversation they just had. When Darren pushes him to lie back on the bed, Chris spreads his legs and begins to lift his hips.

He ends up sitting up against the headboard with Chris in his lap as he slowly rocks his hips down around him. He hears him repeatedly whisper _I'm sorry_ and _I love you_ against his lips as they kiss.

"It's okay, Chris." He comforts him, rolling them over and wiping away the tears on Chris' cheeks. His eyes are red from crying as Darren leans down to kiss over each one softly, saying he loves him no matter what. He moves in him with slow rolls of his hips; Chris locking his ankles behind his back and tipping his head back, dropping his mouth open and moaning.

Fingernails break the skin of his back as Chris comes between them, saying his name. A few thrusts later, and Darren experiences his own release, kissing Chris as it happens.

After cleaning up, he holds Chris and tries not to think of the day when it's no longer Chris but someone entirely different; someone who will be all wrong. He knows no one will fit perfectly like Chris does; fill the spaces in him as seamlessly as Chris does when they hold each other.

* * *

Birthdays are simple celebrations of a cake with candles and spending the day in bed. Anniversaries are different in that they celebrate the first day they met, and when they got back together after Darren went after him. Their wedding anniversary is really different, because they both know it's the only one they'll get to celebrate together.

"When can I take this off?" Chris asks, gesturing to the scarf covering his eyes.

"In about..." Darren stops Chris right in the middle of the yard, "a minute." He moves to turn on all the lights streamed over trees and the back porch. He stands behind Chris and begins to untie the knot of the scarf, saying, "I know we said no presents, but," he drops the scarf and hears Chris gasp, "I couldn't resist making it memorable."

"It's beautiful," Chris whispers, turning around and throwing his arms around Darren's neck, kissing him. They kiss as the lights around them become more noticeable as the sun continues to set. Chris pulls back and breathlessly asks, "How about a dance?"

He wraps one arm around Chris' waist and clutches his hand in the other, resting it on his chest. Chris wraps his arm around his shoulders as Darren rests their foreheads together and begins to sway them slowly. The sound of the world around them providing its own version of music, until Chris whispers, "Sing for me, please."

Thinking about it for a second, Darren rests his forehead to Chris' temple, and begins to softly sing the Billie Holiday version of 'I'll Be Seeing You' into his ear. He hears Chris hum along as they slowly dance under the night sky.

Looking to him when finished singing, Darren thinks of a thousand different things to tell Chris; tries find the words to describe how he feels when he holds him this close to his body. "I love you," he says, instead, after coming up short and deciding on something that is simple but powerful enough to express how he feels.

"I love you, too." Chris smiles, leaning forward and pressing their lips together in a soft kiss.

Pulling back, Chris reaches into jacket pocket and pulls out an envelope. "I couldn't resist making it memorable, too." He presses the envelope into Darren's hand and gives him a quick kiss. "Read it. I'll be inside when you finish."

"Okay."

Darren waits till Chris is inside the house before sitting in one of the chairs being flooded with light. Pulling out the newest letter, he begins to read.

_Hi, Husband_

_One year. It's crazy to think a year ago we got married. One year ago you became my husband and I became yours._

_It has been the best year of my life. Living with you, waking up to you next to me, celebrating holidays and creating a semi-family with Charlie is more than I could have asked for. _

_I wish with all my heart I could give you more than a year; I wish I could give you fifty. But, I can't and it breaks my heart knowing you deserve those years; deserve so many more anniversaries. So, this one anniversary together is worth more than anything you could give me, because at least we made it here._

_Now, enough with the sad, since this is a joyous occasion; come upstairs so we can spend the night in each other's arms._

_Love, Chris_

Darren goes up to their room to find candles lit all around the room, and lying on his stomach with his legs in the air, ankles crossed, is a naked Chris.

"Like my letter?" Chris grins, slowly moving his legs back-and-forth. He has his chin resting on his crossed arms and bites his lower lip as he watches Darren begin to undress.

Once out of all his clothes, Darren climbs into bed with Chris, looking down at him when he rolls over, brushing his thumb over his pink lips. "I'd rather have one year with you as my husband than to have never had you," he tells him with a smile. Leaning down to kiss him, Darren keeps his eyes on Chris' until he begins to kiss his way down his body.

Quick kisses are placed along Chris' exposed neck when he tips his head back, knowing he can't pay too much attention to any particular spot without a bruise appearing the next day. Even then, small fingertip bruises are always scattered over Chris' hips. He kisses over his body until Chris is begging for him.

He's on his back as Chris picks his hips up and drops down around him at a slow, drawn out pace. They both want to experience the build-up, let this last as long as possible. Sitting up has Chris maneuvering to wrap his legs around his waist

Holding Chris, Darren turns them over and lets him fall back on the pillows. Sitting back on his calves, he grabs under Chris' thighs and pulls him up so his ass is in his lap. Grabbing the top of Chris' thighs, Darren begins to roll his hips into him, seeing Chris claw at the bedsheets below his hands.

The mere sight of Chris as he experiences pleasure throughout his body is one that Darren loves; one he can never get enough of. Watching as he plants his hands to the headboard and work his hips down as best he can, Darren can tell he is close by how his breathing is getting heavier and he is starting to babble his words a bit.

"You close?" he asks as he leans down and kisses him; kisses lips that are parted around a moan.

"Yes," Chris gasps out, dropping his hand to clutch at Darren's shoulder.

Planting one hand on the bed beside Chris' head, and reaching down and wrapping his hand around Chris, Darren strokes him a couple of times before he is coming, and coming with him. They both ride out their orgasms together, experiencing pleasure that seems to be never-ending.

"Happy Anniversary," Darren breathlessly says as he captures Chris' mouth in a tender kiss after collapsing on top of him, feeling him smile against his mouth.

* * *

Fourteen months.

In the end that's how long they happily have married together...fourteen months. Right when Darren thinks everything will be okay, everything is looking up, just when he's about to look to the next fifty years everything changes. They're in the backyard walking hand-in-hand, Scout walking around sniffing random things, they're occasionally stealing kisses, when Chris walks to the rose bush. It happens so suddenly, one second he's smelling a single red rose, smiling at him and the next he's falling to the ground unconscious. He runs the second he notices it start to happen, picking Chris up in his arms and crying.

All he can think, all that runs through his mind is "Too soon. Too soon. I'm not ready. Not now."

* * *

The doctors give him less than two months, saying there's nothing they can do beyond making him comfortable. Darren barely pays attention to anything that's said to him, only squeezing Chris' hand as he sleeps. When he's left alone with him, he crawls into the hospital bed and hugs tight to Chris' body and cries.

* * *

He always looked at life as if there was always another tomorrow, another month, or another year. Now he knows life is more like an hourglass with sand slowly trickling to the bottom representing days passed and the ones remaining, waiting to be. With Chris, he knows these days are the last of the sand falling to the bottom until there are none left, and he can't do anything to stop them from falling; he can't turn the hourglass upside down and give him more of the time he deserves, he has to sit and watch and be helpless as the final grains of sand become fewer and fewer.

He thinks about that as he lies in the hospital bed with Chris, who has a breathing tube in his nose; there are dark circles under his eyes and his lips are slightly chapped, bruises scattered up and down his arms. He looks strong, but Darren knows without having to be told that he's terrified, he's trying not to make it known how scared he really is. Around family and friends, he laughs and smiles and jokes and goes about being his normal self as best he can, but some nights Darren will hold him as he cries about the 'unfairness of it all' as he once sobbed against his shoulder.

Other nights Chris just asks to be held; to be comforted by the embrace that has come to make him feel safe and warm and happy. This night, Darren holds him as he lays with his back to him, both of them staring out the window at the bright moon.

"I wonder which one is my star?" Chris curiously asks.

Darren chuckles as he says, "Remember when we tried to find it? You eventually got so frustrated you kicked the telescope stand down."

"God, don't remind me," Chris groans, turning around to face Darren. "One of many stories you'll get to tell about us. Just imagine the story you get to tell about us when someone asks if you've ever been in love," Chris faintly says, bringing up his hand to wipe away the tears rolling down Darren's face.

"No one wants to hear a story with an unhappy ending," Darren mumbles through the tears that haven't seemed to stop in the last three weeks.

"Just think, no matter how sad the end, you still have what happened in the beginning and middle."

"It's not enough for me."

"It has to be."

* * *

One night as he lies in the bed singing a random song, Chris turns to him with a serious look in his eyes.

"You know I thought about what it would have been like to raise a family with you," Chris whispers, trying to smile through the sadness that seems to overtake him all the time now. "I saw a little girl with your curly hair and hazel eyes; a little pout on her face when she would get in trouble."

"Chris, please...I can't-" he doesn't want to hear what could've been between them. He can't hear about a family that will never come in to fruition.

"I just want it to be known to you, that if it were possible, I would have had a big family with you."

"We would have been great fathers," Darren quietly says, seeing everything Chris is describing and more.

"No, Dare," Chris says, stroking his thumb over Darren's cheek. "You're going to be a great father."

Without Chris, without the one person he would have created a family with in a heartbeat, without the love his life, Darren isn't sure he could start a family with someone else.

* * *

"I'm scared," Chris weakly confesses as he lets himself be held by Darren.

He doesn't have to ask to know what Chris is talking about. It's not surprising, considering he would be feeling the same. And truth be told, he is feeling the same thing for his own reasons.

"I know," Darren replies back in a whisper.

* * *

The next night with the curtains pushed wide open and the moon and stars shining through, Darren holds tight to Chris as he leans against his body. He said he wanted one final dance with him...with his husband.

Scrolling through the songs on his phone, Darren finally decided on a slow, instrumental song they could easily dance to.

Kissing Chris' forehead as they slowly move side-to-side, he softly whispers into Chris' ear, "You're my forever." In that moment is when he truly knows that this love of theirs will go beyond what is here and now. He knows that somehow, somewhere they will meet again.

"You feel it, too, don't you?" Chris faintly says, picking his head up off his shoulder. "You feel as if we'll see each other again?"

"Yes." Darren nods his head, not surprised Chris felt the same.

"Good," Chris huffs out, smiling. "I didn't get enough time with you here."

Darren kisses him and they dance for another ten minutes until Chris says he's tired. As he watches him sleep, Darren wonders just how it is they'll see each other again like Chris said.

* * *

It's like any other normal night as he holds Chris, falling asleep only to be awakened a few hours later by him as he brushes their lips together. Opening his tired eyes, he smiles at Chris. "Hi," he softly whispers.

"Dare," Chris weakly says, "I love you so much."

It's normal for them to tell each other that, but something about the way Chris says it this time is different. Just looking at him and into his eyes, he knows; knows what Chris is telling him.

"No!" He hears his voice breaking and feels tears filling his eyes.

"It's okay...It's fine." Chris wipes away the tears that fall from his eyes.

Darren hates that Chris comforting him at a time like this, when he should be the one to comfort Chris. "Does it hurt?"

"No." Chris smiles at him. "It's like I'm slowly falling asleep, I don't feel it happening, but I know it is."

Linking his fingers with one of Chris' hands, he thinks holding it tight will anchor him to this world much longer.

"It's okay to hate me...afterwards," Chris tells him.

"Why would I hate you?"

"For what I'm about to put you through," Chris answers, barely able to squeeze his hand in his. "For having you fall in love with me even though I can't be with you beyond our short time together."

"I'll never hate you, Chris," Darren murmurs through his tears. Wiping away the ones that have already rolled down his face, he stops crying because he has to be strong right now for Chris. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just hold me," Chris replies.

The sound of doctors and nurses doing everything they can to bring him back, the heart monitor letting out a constant stream of the flatline noise, and his own heartbeat are loud in his ears as he slides down the wall outside the room a few hours later, not yet crying over losing him. It's standing up when he sees Chris' parents running down the hall and seeing his mom get hysterical after telling them, does it fully hit him and he breaks.

Once he starts crying he doesn't stop. He cries for everything lost and for everything he will never get. He cries as he feels as his heart is smashed and broken into millions of pieces that will make it impossible to put back together no matter how hard he tries.

He doesn't know how long he sits there and cries, but he knows, now, time doesn't matter when he doesn't have Chris to waste it away together.

* * *

He gets an unexpected surprise a month later.

The month he lived was one of hell. Having to watch as his best friend and husband was lowered into the ground pretty much broke him completely. Going on living as if he is normal and not wanting to just…_be_ with Chris is hard. Putting on the charade that he is okay is hard, but he does it because he doesn't want having people worry about him. He wants to be alone in a world where it seems as if there is nothing left for him.

But in the mail about five weeks later is one final letter from Chris. Unlike the other letters, it takes him hours to carefully open the envelope and pull out the piece of paper inside. He wants to devour this letter like the others, but knowing it's the last one, he takes his time.

_Hi, Husband_

_Bet this is coming as a shock to you, because if you're reading this, it means I'm no longer with you. I had this organized so you would get this after I passed._

_Now, on to the reason I'm writing this._

_I wish there was something I could have done or said to show just how much I appreciated having you in my short life. You made the last two and a half years of my life so much more than I thought they would be. You filled my life with a happiness that I didn't know was possible, that I never thought would be possible considering what I was going through._

_But mainly, you loved...no love me-because I know you always will-in a way that somehow had me living the last years of my life for that love. I think I held on long as I did because how you loved me was something so powerful it had me clinging to life just so I could continue to feel it. You loved me in a way that comes along once in a lifetime._

_Now, even though I say our love was a once in a lifetime love, I clearly remember a promise you made me. I don't want you to live the remainder of your life unhappy and alone; look for someone that you can at least maybe see yourself falling in love with. Maybe get married again, have that family we couldn't, create new memories that will make all this easier for you to remember later in life._

_Remember how you said on our wedding anniversary night: I would rather have you as my husband for a year than to never have had you. I should have told you I felt the same; I would rather had you the short time we were together than have to pass on this love in a world where I lived longer than twenty-two._

_In the end, all I mainly ask of you is don't forget me. Now, I know you're probably shaking your head saying 'I could never do that' but I don't mean forget me all together. What I mean is to remember me how I was before I became really sick those last two months. Remember me happy, healthy as I could be, and completely in love with you._

_God, I'm going to miss you just as much you'll miss me. But know this, I do plan to see you again, I don't know how soon, but I will see you again._

_Love, with all my heart, and forever your husband, Chris_

* * *

Life after him is a constant dull gray that never goes beyond that. People told him it would get better as the days went on; when in reality it seemed as if every day was a constant reminder of a day without him. On the days he managed to get out of bed, he would only have to walk into a room and feel his heart ache, because no matter where he was in the house, Chris was everywhere. He could vividly see him standing in front of the bathroom sink brushing his teeth with ruffled hair, sitting on the kitchen counter eating strawberries, walking around in the back as Scout ran around, or sitting on the front porch steps with his elbows on his knees and chin in his hands. Chris crept into every facet of his life and the world that surrounds him that he couldn't go back to living without having him there in some way, and it only made it worse.

His friends and family tried to convince him to move out of the house and leave, but he doesn't listen and ends up staying. The home is the one place-even though it brings great pain-brings him great memories of days in each other's arms, celebrating holidays, dinners, and being in love.

He lies in bed all day more than he should, but he doesn't care because he holds Chris' pillow close and breathes in the smell of him still strongly lingering there.

He lives the best he can without the one person he wants most.

**Two Years Later**

As he sits on the ground plucking blades of grass, and watching them blow away with the wind, Darren thinks back to a few years ago. He thinks back to a time with Chris at his side with a smile that always made him feel happy no matter how he felt before seeing it.

"Sorry I didn't come sooner." Darren lays the bouquet of yellow roses on the ground next to the tombstone. "I don't think I was prepared, I don-...I don't know if I'll ever…" he trails off, not knowing what to say. Not that he's at a loss for words, he just doesn't want to start crying two minutes after sitting down, he at least wants to make it five.

"I went on a date a few weeks ago." He decides to say, picking a topic that is easy to talk about. "It was strange sitting across from this person when all I could think about was you. I thought about what we would be doing if you were there instead. The bad thing is, under different circumstances, I could have seen myself going on many more dates with them. But at the end, I went home and read your letter that you left me in Spain. Then, I read all the other letters you wrote me before you went."

He twirls the silver band on his finger, knowing he should remove it, but can't.

"I still wear this," Darren says as he twists the ring again. "I think it keeps people away, because the instant they see it, they back-off and I do nothing to tell them I shouldn't even still be wearing this. I'll always wear it, because it was one of the best moments of my life-marrying you. It fills me with joy knowing I gave you the last thing you wanted."

He sits there for a few minutes not saying anything, until he remembers something. "Scout misses you, I can tell. He gets sad and will sleep on your side of the bed some days and lie there as if waiting for you to come and yell at him to get off." Darren chuckles at the memories of Chris doing that more than a handful of times.

_'Scout, I love ya, but get off the bed,' Chris says short of yelling. Darren laughs when Scout lifts his head and looks at Chris as if he's dumb, dropping it back down again. 'I will take you to the vet and get you neutered.' Chris smiles in victory when Scout instantly jumps off the bed and runs away to hide somewhere for a few hours._

_'You could have just pushed him off,' Darren says right before kissing Chris._

_'I know,' Chris replies as he sits on the bed and lies back. 'But I like messing with him.'_

_'He's gonna bite you one day.' Darren hooks his fingers into Chris' pants and begins to pull them down when Chris lifts his hips._

_'He barely makes an effort to growl at me,' Chris tells Darren, sitting up and pulling his shirt over his head. 'I don't think he is energetic enough to bite me.'_

Fixing the roses once again (even though they don't need it) and running the tips of his fingers over the letters engraved in the stone, Darren knows he should leave but can't bring himself to.

"I miss you so much," he confesses, bringing his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around his legs. "I miss seeing you smile and laugh. I miss everything about you. But I think I miss your eyes the most." As a tear rolls down Darren's cheek, he brings his hand up to wipe it away, but it doesn't matter because the tears don't stop. "God, I miss how you made me feel when you were around. When you were around I could breathe, now it seems like I'm gasping for every little breath."

It's the truth. He still feels as if he's underwater in the middle of the ocean; drowning, and surrounded by a darkness that only seems to get worse. He can see the surface of the water above him; can see the light that awaits him if he were to just swim up and break the surface, pulling in the air his lungs are fighting for. Instead, he stays where he is and continues to drown, because he isn't ready to heal. He still wants to feel the pain, surround himself in nothing but the darkness that is more comforting than any light can be; he's still not ready to take that breath. He's not sure he ever will be.

Standing up to walk back to his car and climbing in, Darren turns on the radio and doesn't know whether to cry or scream in agony and pain at the song playing.

The song takes him back to the night holding Chris and singing it for him.

He turns up the volume and just listens, knowing deep down what it means.

_I wanna feel your feet lifting off the ground_

_Wanna feel you love me at the speed of sound_

_Babe, it could end tonight, know it would be alright_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

_I'm gonna love you somewhere on the other side_

* * *

**Only the epilogue left now. Debating on how I want that to go, so it might be some time before I post it_._**


End file.
